i think i've cried at least 7 times. ok, maybe 8.

i've been all sorts of emotional today. emotional and distracted. i zipped in the shower before the boys got up, and as i was blowing my hair dry, i noticed it felt a little, well, sticky. about halfway through the blowdry (as i could hear the boys calling for me) i realized i totally forgot to wash my hair. shoot. no time to get back in and rewash. so i continued to blow dry my unclean hair, sprayed some dry shampoo (thank you katie) and went about the morning. thank you distraction.

the boys are now at vbs, and i have a few moments. i should be doing something productive, but instead i am looking back. when things felt so uncertain with emery's adoption. one year ago, we didn't have our dossier submitted yet. we didn't have our referral. we were nearly $18000 short in funds. we had a homestudy, but that's it. i was certain it would be years until our girl would come home.
i found this blog entry from june 2010. i remember last summer vividly because i was constantly thinking of, praying for, dreaming of my beautiful daughter. little did i know, in june 2010, emery was a newborn. only 2 weeks old at the time i wrote this.

Saturday, June 12, 2010
my dreams

i have extremely realistic dreams. you know, the ones that take a few moments to realize they weren't actually real when you wake up in the morning.
sometimes they are horrific and terrifying and i wake up exasperated, praying and hoping they were dreams and not reality.
last night, i dreamed i was in china. the sights, the scent, the streets abuzz with movement. suddenly, i was embracing my daughter for the first time. i saw her face. majestic. and she loved me and it was finally real. she was mine. i carried her everywhere in my dream. she had a back injury, so i carried her to the doctor. i just kept telling her over and over how much i loved her. and she smiled. my dream kept fast forwarding and she kept growing up. i kept taking her to the doctor and i kept carrying her everywhere. when i put her down, she wouldn't let go because she loved me so much.

i'm hoping tonight we will meet again....my dreamy reality.

i'm so thankful we are one day away from china. but somehow, i'm also thankful for 3 years of waiting. 3 years of loving my sweet little girl and God allowing her to be a part of our family before she was even created or born. incredible.

won't be empty for long :)


  1. Yay! I am SO excited for you. I can not wait to hear about your adventure! Give her an extra hug from us!

  2. Teary-eyed reading this. You've been such a testimony of faith and patience. Praying for you over these next few weeks as you travel and for a smooth transition for your family! I cannot even imagine how excited you must feel. Try to get some sleep tonight! Can't wait to hear all about your trip and see pics of you together with your precious little girl!



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