my day ended with this buddy.
we had a rita's date night.
we giggled and ate each other's vanilla/chocolate custard with sprinkles.
we scaled the local castle playground.
my boy was so delighted he giggled for an hour.
we came home and he was still so delighted no one could understand his muffled giggle rantings.
i'm hoping i will reap the benefits of our special time together tomorrow.
i'm praying for the healing qualities of one-on-one time together.
my buddy who is slowly but surely coming around and remembering who he was before all of this change.
remembering it's ok to be cheerful.
remembering how much fun we have together.
our meeting with emery's plastic surgeon at CHOP went splendidly today.
and i called her emery all day long, because that's what's on her charts.
and it sounded lovely.
she's gained nearly 2 LBS!!! yes, nearly 2 lbs in a month!! what a triumph!!
oh, i nearly kissed her cleft surgeon.
nearly, i said nearly.
not because he is strikingly handsome (which he is)
but because he was so candid and kind and saw right away what a gem my girl is.
we chatted about her options, and it's not cut and dry. with such a tender and sensitive situation, the correct order of proceedures and timing is difficult to decide.
he suggested we repair her palate first in order to help her develop speech sooner.
he's thinking palate surgery in 6 weeks from now (eek, that feels so soon!) and lip/nose surgery 6 weeks after that.
she will later need a bone graph to repair her gumline and a rhinoplasty because of the shape of her nose.
her cute little nose.
he said he's booked solid for the foreseeable future but he will clear time for her.
no matter what, he will find time.
because he cares.
he reached over and touched her little foot while we were talking. and she didn't cry.
and then he said to me "but the real question about her readiness depends on you. we want to know how you think she is adjusting and if you think she can handle surgery. we really value your opinion because you're her mom."
ok, now i really love you mr. surgeon.
"be sure to take lots of photos of her beauty, just the way she is now. when we're done, she'll look so different. we're going to do our best to make it perfect, but many parents grieve the change because they love how their kids were created. she is so beautiful just the way she is now."
and then i wanted to tackle hug/kiss him.
he gets it. the love. the loveliness.
but i didn't.
i shook his hand.
the man who will soon hold my child's life in his hands.
i love anyone who gets it.
i thought i knew how to love deeply
beyond my being
beyond what i know and can comprehend
but when i look at my 3 kids through the filter of the past 3 years...
when i see the world through a small girl who has seen more of life than i have...
i see my kids with new passion.
not perfection...i am so far from...i get agitated and snippy among many other faults.
but i've realized how much my filter has changed the way i view life.
it's a good change.