this post has nothing to do with leggings. but i haven't had time to unload photos from the big camera. mostly because it's a pain to transfer them to my husbands computer (which i am on now) and then even more mostly because i love this chick in leggings and i will forever post leggings photos excessively.
the disclaimer portion is now over.
good. i can get on with it.
wait, first things first...
now that my first in a slew of limber stripes is out of the way, good gracious there is a lot to say. i'll never get it all out. especially with the piles upon piles of unfolded laundry.
(seriously, if your laundry is all folded, i will ever applaud you. you are my hero. piece de resistance. i tip my ever un-folded hat to you.)
life feels too exhausting right now. but sometimes that's when i come up with the best stuff.
as of today, i've entered insanity. i started plotting my craft show creations.
12 bundles of yarn and 12 straw wreathes later, i'm realizing some lady needs to carve out time to wrap those babies and then make some outstanding accoutrement flowers to accompany them...and that lady is me. i'm literally giddy with excitement to have a reason to stay up into the wee hours that doesn't involve packing or unpacking or cooking. (at the last minuet on friday i decided to enter the realm of OAMC. i nearly collapsed by the end of the weekend after cooking all night for 2 nights, but on this side of things, i have nearly enough meals for 1.5 months if we plan carefully and eat our leftovers. oh the joy of forgetting how agonizing it was. i might just do it again :)
have i mentioned my 3 year old mr rowan has been all out of sorts since we came home with emery? other than a few sleep issues and irate crying during the first 2 weeks, little lady has adapted so well, it's scary. mr 5 year old foster has also adapted amazingly well. it's as if the change brought out the best in his skill set. he's crazy amazing with her. so patient. so loving. he even giggles when she slobber kisses him on the mouth. now that is love, folks. 'cause her slobber kisses taste like boogers :)
but rowie, oh dear. although i know he loves her, kisses her feet constantly, and plays the most adorable games with her, he has not been in love with his mommy being unavailable throughout the day.
in fact, he has thrown every tantrum/floor-punching/throw-down-knock-out/terror-ridden/ear-piercing scream in his arsenal. at me. at everyone. at life. for nearly a month and a half. i'm out of ways to deal with it. totally out of ideas. loosing my mind to think of ways to move it in a more positive direction. at times, i'm quite sure it will never end. i never known him to be so unhappy for such long periods throughout the day. sometimes it feels like all day. or maybe it feels like all day because it is. as if someone captured my sweet buddy and returned a monster instead. as if his screaming/tantruming is AT me. directly at me. so i know just how much he dislikes the change.
and then yesterday happened. i thought for sure it was a fluke. a mirage. an accident. our day was pleasant. he was pleasant. when he started to freak out, with a quiet word, he calmed. he changed his attitude and the tantrum was over before it started. it was like we went back in time. a cool breeze floated through the house and coaxed us all into wonderment. i decided to consider it an anomaly.
then today. a long day. we were in the car a lot, i was holding emery a lot, in and out of stores, dropping foster off and picking him up from school (45 min away from home). to my surprise, it was pleasant. fun, even. he was delightful and helpful and best of all, snuggly. we held hands a lot. he stuck with me all through the house. all through the stores. all through our lunch at the park. after dinner we were all pooped. we watched a movie together, and he snuggled on my shoulder while i fed emery a bottle. if i had to move or adjust, or reach, he did too. he found his niche. it's not exactly the same, but i think he realized we can still be close and snuggle and be near each other...and emery being there is ok too. it feels normal for him. finally. i needed a few good days like my husband needs a tall glass of ice tea. i needed it bad.
praise the Lord for good days. can i get an amen?
praying tomorrow is another day like today. because we are headed to CHOP for a pre-op appointment and the boys are coming with me.
have i mentioned that foster is very upset about jing liu's surgery? so upset he starts tearing up when we talk about it. he keeps asking if she has to have it. he's so sad to think she will change or look different. so we talk about it. we talk through it. it's a normal thing around here to talk about stitches and anesthesia and facial structure and how things bleed and how things heal. i'm hoping that meeting the surgeon and talking with the doctors will help calm his fears.
we've also started talking about pain. how we can help when people around us are hurting. i want them to know they have an imporatant...nay, vital role in their sister's recovery. because it's true. she reacts to them. they make her smile in a way that lights up an entire continent. in the end, the life lessons our family will learn will be ever valuable to life. to our legacy. all because of one little girl and what she brings to her family. we all bring something unique and special. family members change and mold each other. being present to watch the shift occur in our family is something i will always treasure.
we are less than 2 weeks from surgery.
so i confess 2 things.
(1) upon excepting emery's referral (which is a story i should tell one of these days) i had never seen a baby with a cleft lip/palate in person. a year or two ago, i could have never imagined loving a cleft lip. that was last on my list of needs i wanted. sad, but true. OH PRAISE GOD for the way He softened my heart. what on earth would i do without her?? if i had closed my heart to the option. if i had hesitated longer at the "cleft lip/cleft palate" box on the special needs acceptance list. can i just advocate for a moment? can i just say that if you are scared of cleft babies...if they make you uncomfortable (like i was). get over it. have the faith that your heart will melt when you meet one of these precious lipped individuals in person. because i guarantee you will never ever meet a cuter child. never ever.
(2) when i finally met her in person, oh dear lord. every. single. part. of. her. was my favorite part. i could talk endlessly about how beautiful she is. novel worthy. in fact, i'm sure i'll spend the rest of my days gushing about her. but her lip? nothing on earth could be cuter. i kiss her cleft a thousand times a day because it is so breathtaking to me. she is breathtaking.
upon returning home, i expected to be up in arms when we went places with her. i expected to get the "are they all yours??" question. or the "how much did she cost??" or "are you her real mom?" questions. i prepared my forced smile and cheeky (or snide) replys. but much to my pleasant surprise (so far) we've been met with such sweetness. men, women, young, old have approached us when we are at target...restaurants...the park...and made comments about how cute she is. how lovely. how precious. and i beam.
but today at the park, we were sitting in the grass. miss emery was chomping on a banana. mr. rowie was eating yogurt. several little kids walked by. they stopped right in front of us and stared. literally 2 feet in front of where we were sitting. they started right at her. they glanced quickly at me. i smiled and said hi. no response....the gaze went right back to emery. zoned in on her banana eating lips. they couldn't figure her out. the stare lasted longer than it should. i said hi again, but their stares were so intense that they couldn't hear me. it continued so long, we just went on about our bananas and yogurt. we played and talked. serously. it was strange. uncomfortable.
they are just kids. i'm not upset at them. i am upset for her. for that kind of attention. she deserves to be seen as more than a kid with a cleft lip. because she is so much more than that. so from here on out, i'm praising God for her surgeons. i'm looking forward to the change. even if in my heart i'm dreading it.
and that's enough of my cleft soap box.
back to my kitchen overhaul and glass of wine. oh and somewhere in there i'll fold some laundry.
or maybe i'll just go to bed and hope i fold it tomorrow :)