the celery stalk of fashion

i discovered an alarming fact yesterday.
it shocked me to my vegetable core.
i'm unable to re-enter the world of fashion.
i'm no fashionista, but i have always been able to fake it when needed.
throw on something semi-cool with heels and act like i don't live in comfy pants and TOMS.
but i've reached the point i never EVER thought i would reach...
i couldn't find ANYTHING that looks remotely like something i would wear.

i walked through 8 stores yesterday, sans children (oh thank you THANK YOU dear husband). i was on the hunt for a funky yet demure dress for a jet-set wedding this weekend in NC. my dear and incredible college roomies will all converge to celebrate one of our own. i'm wicked excited, and counting the moments until i get to squeeze these ladies i love so much.
but i need a dress.
i attempted to borrow clothes from my drop-dead-gorgeous sister in law (hmm, somehow i'm not a size 4 anymore...shocking) but didn't find a single item that would embrace my celerocity.
yes, you heard right...celerocity.
that's what i've got.
celerocity for days.

it's a serious vegetable issue.
other than the fact that i've enetered a rather unhealthy junk food phase (which has subsequently added 5lbs to my frame)
i am a vegetable.
a celery stalk to be specific.
it's nothing short of problematic in the clothing department.
sort of tall, sort of lean, sort of not.

(me. irritated. i can't look anymore. can't i just wear this to the wedding? it's the only thing that fits.)

i'm basically a rectangle with a squooshie midsection.
the adorable belted fashions popping up everywhere are lovely...

if only i could pull this off. (found here)

but have you ever tied a string around a stalk of celery? i oddly have no indication of where a lovely curvy wasteline should be.
celery and belts don't mix.
fine, i'll move on.

but i need a dress.
one that doesn't look like this:

or this:

or this:

there is a strange void.
i am a little lost 30-something celery stalk.
somewhere in between bedazzled christmas sweaters and the ability to throw on a little dress and heels and pull it off.
there certainly aren't any zones set aside for my very stalky self.

and so i ask you...retail world...

where does the 30-something celery stalk fit in?

i came home a few stalks short. i did purchase one dress (which barely zipped up the back...thanks celery caboose) and i hope to redeem it with tall black boots, which seem to make my leggy legs look even leggier. perhaps they will detract from all the celery i have going on...or perhaps i'll let go of my unstylish self, and just have a great weekend :)

i realized on the way home
i'm ok
there's a lot more to life than faking out my stalk into thinking it's 20 again.
and i'm ok with it.


  1. are you sure you're not a size 4? could have fooled me! haven't metcha in person, but you look pretty darn great to me. i'm sure you'll be fab and have an even more fab time. :)

  2. Well, as a size 14/16 pear, I say rock your size 4/6 celery stalk self any way you feel like! We're only gonna get one body in this lifetime, so have fun!!

  3. 30something celery stalk, meet the 30something pear. I'm learning and failing miserably to enjoy my body type and stop desiring what someone else has. Argh. Easier said than done. BUT, I do know this. You seem to be able to rock anything because of your style and grace that shows in your demeanor and your enthusiasm. You radiate charm & confidence. The clothing will follow.. even when it doesn't feel like it does.

  4. There definitely is a lack of fashion out there for 3-somethings of any shape. It's like you either have to shop in the juniors department and deal with the looks of "you're too old to be in this area of the store", or you venture to womens' which is full of what I like to call "the clothes my mother would wear"... and I adore my mother, I just don't want to dress like her.

    Wear what you love even if you think it's not the perfect outfit, your love for the items will show in how you carry yourself and effortless beauty is all about how you feel - and know at least it's a wedding and most eyes will be on the bride :)

  5. I think you're beautiful and perfect and I've ALWAYS admired your simple yet sophisticated style :)

  6. I know. We went shopping for my birthday and bought something for my baby and for my husband. There was nothing desirable for the mommy. My top secret dress source is.....TJ Maxx. (We missed TJ Maxx on my birthday unfortunately.)

  7. As much as i love shopping, clothes shopping can be uber frustrating. I have no advice. I want to hire someone to shop for me (that includes trying on a bunch of stuff that doesn't fit right).



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