i layed in bed as still as possible. afraid to even open an eye and make a noise that only a sleeping child could hear. i breathed deep. i sunk deeper into my squishy feather pillow and rolled to the middle of the bed (which is clearly the best part of any mattress.)
an impromptu late-sleeping-morning is exactly what a mom needs. this mom especially. it's something we haven't seen in ages...and after the last 2 weeks, i need it like little boys need muddy hands.
and then i heard it. exactly what you never EVER want to hear in the morning before you have appropriate clothing on. before you have brushed your teeth or glanced in a mirror. before your kids have stirred from blissful slumber.
a knock at the door.
i'm not gonna lie. i pretended for a moment or two that i didn't hear it.
then it got louder. and louder.
a third LOUD knock threw me out of bed, flying down the stairs as i chased some sort of sweatpants up my legs.
"good morning peco gas heater installer dude. nice to meet you. i'm the tenant, although i probably look more like a half awake monster at this point in time. disregard my shocked expression as i totally forgot you were coming today. don't mind me while i run back upstairs in my strange assortment of attire to put on something that more closely resembles clothing and then carry 3 crying children downstairs for breakfast...since they are now all awake at the exact same time, thanks to your thundering wake up call. please track your oily shoes all through the house on my freshly scrubbed floors en route to the basement. and by all means, bring 3 of your friends in the front door and have them track oil through the house as well.
it's going to take you 2 entire days to tear out the old 1920's oil drum and install the new gas heater? that's awesome. perfect in fact. i have nothing planned today or tomorrow. in fact, we sit around quietly all day, we don't need to use the kitchen and i don't get all strung out in stressful situations. today is a perfect day for you to start this messy project.
oh and today is my birthday.
yes, it's very nice to meet you."
i wish i were kidding. but that was how our morning started.
thankfully, it didn't end that way.
this little lady charmed our tears and stress away.
we are on day 11 post surgery.
there must be something magical about day 11.
and You added a some surprise perks.
i couldn't be happier.
the morning was filled with crazy monkey fights and boys who pick out their own clothes.
and little girls who innately know how to nurture and feed a baby a bottle
this is one of my favorite all time photos...it should be filed in the dictionary under "contagious joy"
(ps, i have been thinking often of the day i posted this...i was dreaming of this day...TODAY...when i could finally see my girl snuggling miss flora. oh it brings me to tears to see it actually happening)
we've also had a strange assortment of food today. it's all i can manage to scavenge round the oil barrel remnants that are currently taking my kitchen hostage.
speaking of my kitchen (rabbit trail ahead), one of my dearest friends gave us the best gift when we moved into our house, and every time i use my kitchen, i smile. she is one of the most loving and generous people i've ever met...and she's also insanely organized...i'm totally in awe of her.
she came over, emptied all the craziness out of my cabinets, and put it all back in incredibly organized (and labeled) bins. it rocks. everything has a place and everything in it's place. now i actually have a room in my home that can use that saying.
our kitchen is ugly. like seriously ugly. and since we are renting, i'm still debating if i want to invest the time in making it a bit better looking. until then, i treasure my lovely bins and perfect shelves.
** and last but not least **
i just simply must say again how much i appreciate all of the words of encouragement, emails, phone calls, texts, etc. in fact, i needed the encouragement more than i realized. it makes a difficult few weeks feel lighter knowing we have a community of friends, weather we have met in person or not, who care...care about our family and this sweet warrior girl of ours.
she's quite captivating.
i've said it before, many times. but it's truer of her than i have ever experienced.
i think that's what i have missed most since her surgery. the void of her amazingness. her pain has been so tangible, we are all hurting with her. i never knew what it was like to grieve with a child...to walk through their pain and not be able to change it or make it go away. i've never had a child push me away in their deepest sorrow, but also not want me to leave...and i have been constantly praising God that we can live this with her.
i'm off to do some more of this...