that's my go to move when i get all mixed up in life, being over-committed and just plain exhausted.
i awake to find i am stealing nearly all of my son's blankets, my head is teetering dangerously on a stuffed animal horse as a makeshift pillow and a serious kink in my back has arrived that will take days to work itself back to normal.
the cover stealing and neck kink aside, there is something wonderful about falling asleep at 8pm...something magical happens the next day. i'm fully awake. i don't need coffee. i'm feel like a crazy awesome super mom. the house gets clean and i might even attempt a few crafty going-on's (while avoiding packing all-together).
my 8pm accidental fall asleep doesn't come often, so i drink coffee. push past the perilous first hour of the day and find myself energized. not because i slept enough, but because i'm finding my joy again. joy in God's grace and His ability to provide for my family, even when i can't pull it together.
i'm finally gaining some clarity as i look past over the last year of life...and with clarity, i've become sadly aware of the area suffered most. i have found that i need to un-do what my post adoption depression disorder did to my family. specifically in the parenting arena (and my 12 lb weight gain).
yes. i said it. post adoption depression disorder.
the phrase i was too ashamed and disheveled to admit while i was struggling to survive each passing day, is now something i am able to speak out loud. finding my way through has given me such greater compassion toward other moms, and a greater understanding of the stressful toll my emotional, physical and spiritual self suffered.
i have much to say on this topic, but today, i feel as though i need to put it out there.
i have read very few honest accounts of other mom's struggling through this beast. and in my deepest, darkest days, i longed to feel like i wasn't alone. i wanted to at least know that i would survive and come out on the other side.
if it isn't something you've struggled through, keep your feelers out for friends who might be in the midst. unable to see themselves out. needing someone, anyone...to let them know they are loved. take flowers. send a text, a call, a meal.
a dear friend did this for me...diligently over the course of a few months. God used her in a most powerful way in my life and i can honestly say her kindness was clearly one of the ways God brought healing to my life.
more to come soon.
we currently have a little girl who decided, after 6 months of sleeping 13 hours at night, she no longer feels like sleeping...or at least not in her own bed. yes, my friends, my sweet little sweetie is quite demanding oh around 2 am...and i am quite easy to convince.
seriously cute, right? you should see her in the middle of the night when she's sad. it's impossible to resist :)
so we end up something like this.
me and emery. snuggled cheek to cheek, hand in hand, snuggled on my fluffy pillow. she breathes like the sounds of heaven and i smile for hours as i peacefully slumber next to her.
and then there's clint. he sort of gets kicked in the face, chest, arm, etc amidst all of our snuggling. emery likes to sleep in a somewhat sideways configuration so as to maximise our snuggling...but it also maximizes the lack of sleep for mr. clinto.
*thanks Alicia for the good laugh and for sending me this pinterest gem :)
i have a feeling this is exactly how clint feels :)
so, we are working on tactics to thwart her night time addition to my pillow.
i just can't quite seem to deny her the comfort of knowing we are close to her. it's harder to transverse then sleeping issues we had with the boys.
it's different. i'm different, and there is something so soothing for me to give her the security of mom and dad when i know she hasn't always had it. but then again, we aren't sleeping, she gets her way, and i wonder if we are doing her a disadvantage by not helping her develop healthy sleep patterns. oh and we are inconsistant and exhausted.
it's a recipe for midnight disaster.
am i crazy? don't answer that :)
and then there's my rejuvenated etsy shop. i've missed sweet etsy, but needed the lengthy lapse that has occurred naturally after miss emery came home.
the past few weeks brought a rush of orders and i'm excited to add some spring colors to my classic "Emery Lin Clutch Bag".
check out the new sassy springs...
i'm excited to guest blog today over at my in-law's famous bakery. ok, let's be real. i'll use any excuse to peruse pinterest and find lovely ideas...add in the opportunity to write about such finds and i'm one happy lady :)
we found out this morning that the settlement on our house, which was scheduled for thursday, is delayed again. for the 3rd week in a row. the bank required us to replace 4 broken windows on the 3rd floor before settlement. we were bummed to put out extra money before the house was officially ours...and then the bank offered to pay for the windows...and pay clint to install them. yea, crazy awesome.
so we were fine with waiting. peachy keen, in fact.
until the window company forgot to make the windows.
they are supposedly on an express production line today, and will be escorted to our house later this week, but not in time for closing.
but, hey, i work better under pressure anyway. who needs perfectly packed boxes when you can have 3 extra weeks to procrastinate?
this is the point of the night when i have so much more to write, so much more that i keep forgetting to document and a powerful desire to stay up all night just to finish all that i didn't get done over the past week. and then i pass out on the couch. i wake up wearing what i wore all day, the dishes are still unwashed, the piles of junk didn't get put away and i have a sinking feeling we left the front yard littered with all sorts of clothes and toys and possibly a few hermit crabs.
such is life.
tomorrow it starts all over again.
and i love it.