our little lady started preschool 3 weeks ago. we are thankful that she was accepted into a small, mini-preschool twice a week for an hour and a half. her teachers are speech therapists and the class specializes in verbal communication.
she was super nervous that first morning. very quiet and reserved. her brother clipped a 'kiss me' key chain on her backpack so anytime she felt sad at school she could kiss the bear and remember mommy is coming back soon. big brothers love her so well.
me on the other hand? i'm quite un-ready for her to be away from me. it's a short amount of time...but it feels L-O-N-G. so i fake it. we talk happily about school every so often, trying hard not to over talk it, all the while i dread every moment.
since that first day, recovery has been a process. she started reverting to previous fear based behaviors and refusing to be comforted. her nightmares have returned, so she sleeps every night on her little bed on the floor next to ours.
i can feel her despair. she cries differently. holds me tighter. sits quieter.
there is so much below the surface...real moments of grief that appear in unpredictable places.
i am blessed that she allows me to stand in the gap next to her. my child knows things about life no child should ever experience.
we do a lot of repetition when we find fear triggers. for example, we repeat her school routine over and over: "get out of car, hang up backpack, circle time, snack, games, MOMMY COMES BACK" over and over and over. she repeats "mommy comes back, mommy comes back" over and over.
her look in this shot so describes how the past few weeks have felt. when i ask her how she felt about school after the first day, she said one word: "bad."
today, her 6th day at school, she came home all smiles, telling me about a friend she sat next to at circle time and goldfish she ate at snack. she smiled and showed off her art project to brothers.
today was a good day.
we push through, even when i don't want to. even when i want to pull her out of school for another year...i know she needs to conquer this fear. i don't want to give her the injustice of living a life of fear. a warrior runs toward the battle, and in this little warrior's life, this is a very real battle we must run toward together.