a blog full of weldons

this girl {captivation central}

2012-02-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

i've been finding myself continually amazed by this little gem.

i can't quite take my eyes off of her.
she bops around the house, mimicking my every move
it's like she's been here all along

she's fascinatingly sweet and charming.

she makes friends with neighbors

and makes the little moments in life feel special

she is brave and strong

and silly. oh so silly.

she eats raviolis and ketchup for breakfast

and reminds me when it's time to fold laundry :)

she endlessly entertains her brothers at the grocery store

and loves deeply

she melts me with a glance

never in my life have i met a more beautiful being

i'm oh so in love with her.

happy {awesome} birthday

2012-01-31T22:23:00.000-08:00

aside from the fact that i haven't blogged in nearly 3 weeks (perhaps my longest absence ever - yikes), we celebrated rowan's 4th with a clan of cute friends, ice cream cone cupcakes (best idea ever) and punch prizes (tied for first in the best idea category).
it might just be my favorite party ever because rowan loved it so very much. i started making decorations (sewing card stock circles in long strings) and hanging them the week before the party. each morning, rowan would come downstairs and squeal with delight to see a new string hanging on the wall. in fact, a week later, our house is still covered in wall circles. i'm not sure if i'll ever take them down because they make every morning feel happier...and i love happy mornings. :)

hands down, these pedestals were my favorite project of late. they have been on my pinterest board for a while and my lack of decor items motivated me to give them a whirl. if only i can find a reason to use them everyday...i'm so crazy in love with the final result!

{the before}

$6 of goodwill glassware...see those .49 cent stickers? i call that gold, my friends. gold.

most tutorials say to use crazy awesome craft glue...but since i made these the day before the party (procrastinate much?) my hot glue gun worked just fine.

joanns had a 6 for $1 sale on double sided cardstock last week...so every wall of my house is strung with dots...and it cost me $1. awesome!!
and a marble in each balloon made them perfectly inverted.

{punch prizes}

another pintest pin that's been burning up my boards. and after 2 rolls of packing tape and nearly all of my sanity, it was a huge hit. rowan still talks about it and foster dreams of making one for every birthday for the rest of our lives.

i might take a year or two to recover, and then pull out one of these again.

{games}

i went all hollie homemaker on games. i had a glue glun. popsicle sticks and clothes pins. i knew there had to be something i could make for free using those items.

oh and straws. good gracious we have a lot of straws.

pinterest and i found these:

coolest paper airplanes ever!!!

if you do nothing else, make these tomorrow...they are incredible!!!

paint chip puzzles:

balloon paddles

our house is SMALL.

for 3 kids, its perfect.

for 15 kids??? umm, it's a bit more like partially controlled wild chaos.

see little lady? right in the center of the wild crazies. crazy girl :)

made these but never got around to pulling them out...but emery is now in love with them.

puzzles and pictures. two of her most favorite things.

{cupcakes in ice cream cones}

i will totally be making these cupcake/ice cream cones again. and not just for a birthday party...oh no...i think these would work great for a monday. or sunday afternoon. or for no reason at all. needless to say there weren't any leftovers.

to stage right, a certain young birthday boy is screaming and refusing to be a part of said cupcake/ice cream cone photo. awesome.

in fact, i hardly have a single un-blurry photo of my guy on his special day.

save for this one...early morning on the day of the party

sweet and calm

pj's and cars 2 vehicle

i love it

{exploding rocket pinatas}

the grand finale was an item mr. rowan has been dreaming of since i mentioned this idea. anything with exploding candy seems like a great idea to him. these were quite time consuming (don't think i'll ever make them again) but he LOVED them. ok, fine. i'll probably make them again, but seriously...buying a pinata is so much easier :)

my sweet friend nicole drove up from baltimore with ryan and brooklyn.

we love any chance to spend time together and let the girls play.

they are growing up so fast and this was the first they have been together since they both had their lip/nose repairs.

i tried hard to catch them together.

as you can see, neither of them sit still for very long :)

we noticed a budding friendship today...

even some sweet goodbye kisses...

and thankfully "the tigress" decided not to emerge :)

mr. foster was quite thrilled to have the girls together.

he kept giggling and saying "look mom!! it's like i have two sisters!"

adopting {lots and lots and LOTS of babies}

2012-01-17T10:57:00.000-08:00

when we started the paperwork to adopt emery, i thought and prayed deeply about the impact and impression it will make on our family.
could i handle the unknowns that were sure to come?
surgeries, doctors visits, therapy sessions, emoptional scars, family counseling, attachment issues, etc.
the possible negatives could mount up quickly if not kept in check with God's ability to heal

and now, 6 months in, i'm finding i have so much yet to learn. so many days that i wonder if the choices i am making as a parent are the right ones. i struggle. it's hard.

my dad always says:
anything highly worthy of doing is the hardest thing you can do
and he's right...oh so right.

but there is another side to the challenge...it's the reward. today, i was present for something God needed me to see...one of the many rewards of adoption: its impression on my family

i've seen an incredible change in foster and rowan over these past few months. especially in foster.
when we sit to eat, he often asks if we can buy more chairs for the table so we can make room to adopt more babies. he talks of filling up our house with rooms and beds and kids. his heart is being captured by God's love for children in need...what a beautiful sight!

we've talked openly about orphanages. what the conditions might have been like for our sister. we've looked at pictures and considered what it would feel like to be one of those children. we've talked about birth parents and answered honest questions as best we could.
but we don't overtalk about it.

nonetheless, the boys "adopt" everything. they "travel to china" to adopt a baby nearly everyday.
sometimes they make cardboard box ships and set sail, coming home with a vessel filled with newly adopted stuffed animals
sometimes they schlep stuffed animals from their bedroom all the way downstairs one by one, carrying each one carefully on their journey across the world.

but today, i was struck by their deep understanding of what an orphanage is like...even taking on the role of orphanage caregivers. they gathered babies and lined them up in beds. they paid special attention to the sick ones, and went down the line offering food and band aids.
i wrote down some of their conversation, for fear i would forget such a precious moment. i couldn't for the life of me find the video camera. it was MIA, of course.

it went something like this...foster taking the lead and rowan repeating and adding accessory comments:

"rowan, hold that one carefully...she needs surgery soon. gentle, ok?"
"now this one, put her over here. she's so tiny!"

(hospital beds were in the works, and various medications were being administered)

foster:
"don't worry babies! your mommy and daddy will be here soon!"
"we'll take care of you until they get here."
"don't cry sweetie! it's ok!"

(all three kids are busy feed babies, making tiny beds, hugging babies, preforming surgeries, band aid repairs, etc.)

"their moms and dads haven't come yet..."

rowan: "oh no! that's terrible!!"

foster: "let's adopt all of them!!"

"hi baby, i'm your daddy! you're safe now!!"

(snuggle snuggle, hugs, kisses, etc)

(in the background, i'm choking back tears)

foster:

"i have lots of kids at home...do you want to come home and be a part of our family???"

said with extra enthusiasm

(me, full on weeping)

(...and then a character shift from orphanage caregiver to big brother...)

"babies, do you want to meet my baby sister? she's right here!!!"
(pointing to emery)

"my baby sister loves me so much!!"
(hugging her and smothering her with kisses as she tries to wiggle away :)

"hi mom and dad!! here's all my baby sisters!!"
"look, i look good care of them!"

(it was then that i was called away from my secret post of photoshooting and sobbing to come and be the mommy for all of the babies.)

their play got me thinking. would i have had the courage to talk with the boys deeply about these real life situations without emery coming home? would i have made a point to share with them the hurt of so many children (140 million to be exact) and the hope of adoption?

i already know the answer. i would have been too afraid to trust they could handle such truths. such pain. i wouldn't have given them enough credit to be able to consume deep sadness and allow God to produce hope.

because that's what God does.
He produces Hope out of despair

there are many many things in life i don't understand
i'll never know why emery was left at the gate in front of a government building at one day old
i'll never know what her mom was feeling that day or if she thinks about emery now
does she wonder where her small baby is? is she searching for emery the way i am searching for her?
does emery have more brothers and sisters?
most likely we will never know
and even harder, emery will never know these things either
there are hard questions.
adoption comes with a lot of questions, and often, few answers.
i feel a deep, paralyzing burden for her future pain and the fact that no matter how much i love her or care for her...no matter how many years i have longed for and made plans for her...it's never enough to heal the hurt of abandonment
but it's not my job to heal.
i can't produce Hope out of heartache...
but our sweet Father can
He has an incredible plan for my children
and i have a feeling that emery's brothers will play a vital role in God's plan for her healing
because He does have a plan
a grand and beautiful plan
being a part of it is better than i ever could have dreamed.

sweet and spunky {the girl who never sits still}

2012-01-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

for a fleeting moment, sweet little spunky stood still
i just so happened to have my camera
it was like the stars aligning for my one and only unblurry photo of late
my very busy, cheerful, and breathtakingly-lovely girl (2 weeks post-op)

and for posterity, here is the before:

and then she started moving again :)
helloooo half blurry photograph...

homecoming day {it's everyday}

2012-01-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

i remember emery's homecoming like it was yesterday...

(toes on U.S. soil :)

most of all, i remember emery meeting her big brothers for the first time. i have never EVER before seen such pure joy and excitement on their faces. they literally smothered her with love and kisses and giggles. it was all of the things you dream of when a new sibling joins the family.

it was a glorious moment, forever captured by my dear friend, nicole. these photos are some of my favorites of all time.

fast forward to normal life. sister is wonderful. but she's a little sister. she grabs toys and has been known to scream/squeal/shriek when she doesn't get what she wants. she always ALWAYS wants to be side by side with her big brothers, mimicking and copying and playing just like them. she's quite the car aficionado these days.
both big brothers have shown so much love and maturity over the past few months. but it can be frustrating to have a toddler smashing the tower you just built or snagging one of the cars you just lined up for a race, or drawing all over your school binder with a sharpe...

i am ever in awe of foster. this big brother lives homecoming over and over each day. the bond i see between these two is one of my deepest treasures. foster doesn't get frustrated by his tower crushing, car stealing gal. he speaks sweetly and cares deeply for how she is feeling. he knows her so well, and often is the voice for what she needs. he is quick to laugh, quick to help, and quick to bring her into his land of play. what a beautiful sight to see.

i rarely find a moment to snap pictures of them together. partially because they move so fast that most of my photos end up blurry :) and partially because i'm making a concious effort to be more present. i've found it's more difficult that i realize to be fully engaged all day, every day.
i have a lot to learn from this big brother.
he is focused and present and delightfully wonderful. all the time.
he's my hero.

today, he got out all of her dolls and helped her take them on a picnic. he rocked them and fed them and put them all in bed. he sat emery on his lap and showed her how to tuck the babies in before they fell asleep.

somehow, he knows just what to do. he knows just what to say.
her smile says it all.

we had a beautiful day

2012-01-11T21:07:00.000-08:00

i'm exhausted.
shortly, my eyes will be closing and my head will sink deeply into my feathery pillow.
but oh, this day.
our mid-morning and early afternoon was spent gallivanting around IKEA
(quite possibly the loveliest place on earth)
i told the boys i had a surprise adventure, but didn't tell them where we were going. when we pulled up in front of IKEA, rowan said "oh mommy, i'm so happy! as soon as i take my seat belt off, i'm going to give you a big hug and kiss!!"
gotta love a place in which moms and kids can share the same enthusiasm.
we indulged in a semi-cheap lunch, had 3 ice creams and made the purchase of a new craft organization center that was on clearance. oh and emery snuggled at least 19 stuffed animals. and i when i say "snuggled" i actually mean "smothered". it was adorable, though probably very uncouth, being that we didn't purchase any of said smothered animals.
we did, however, test out various couches, tabletops and rolly carts. all were found little-boy proof. way to go IKEA. you survived another day.

IKEA just to happens to be on the way to CHOP (children's hospital of philadelphia), where emery had her post-op visit today.
not only was her doctor thrilled with her recovery, he said it's one of the best CL/CP repairs he's ever done!!
and it gets better...
as he was cleaning out her nose stints (can you sense the screaming that ensued?) he decided to take them out!!
yes, we are nose stint free!!!
booya!!
hoping to snag a few pics tomorrow :)

and now back to my feathery pillow.
blogs and pictures can wait.
so can dinner dishes and 7 loads of laundry, a half organized organizing center, a nearly torn apart craft room, a disheveled toy area and the remnants of an electric pencil sharpener that "accidentally" opened while it was "accidentally" carried all over the house.
yes, i'm sure i'll have time for all those things tomorrow.

i'm beginning to look a lot more asian...

2012-01-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

the dissoluble lip band-aid. i've been waiting for the day when it removes it's crusty food-clad self...

voila!! when she woke up this morning, it was gone!!!

seriously, her skin looks amazing in person! there is no scar, just peachy brand new skin. i can't even see where the stitching was!!!

the nose tubes are another story.

she is handling them better than i am.

they look painful and boogery and i hate them.

but i know the longer they stay in, the better the long term nose result will be.

we are hoping to keep them in for 7 weeks.

we have 5 weeks, 4 days to go.

since they are sewn in, we must be very careful not to let her pull at them. thankfully, thus far, she is terrified to touch her sweet nose. if i had tubes sewn up my nose, i would be too.

i have 7 posts drafted about how much i miss her cleft.

i don't think i'll ever post them.

each one makes me sounds crazier than the next.

it is a strange conundrum to love her new appearance and at the same time desperately wish for one more kiss, day, moment, year with the old.

i'm missing her smile and silly expressions the most.

thankfully, we are seeing her personality shining through again, which helps.

i will always upon always cherish our 5 months with the original. i will always upon always swoon when i see a cleft baby. and if we ever adopt again, i will seek out a creatively lipped child because my eyes have been changed. my soul has been engraved with the beauty of God's creation in something i never found beautiful before.

to know a creatively lipped child is to love them for the rest of your years.

there is something so special and life changing about this girl and the way she has changed my soul.

it's not her cleft...it's who she is.

her spirit. determination. peaceful joy in the face of adversity.

it's who she was created to be and the way God amazingly intertwined our lives and our family.

in fact, i seriously think we are starting to look alike...

take this one for example...one of my favorites of her and i on the morning of her surgery...

is it just me, or am i beginning to look at lot more asian?? :)

makes me want to jump through my computer and kiss her sweet little face off!!!!

it's quite sunny {our normal day}

2012-01-05T19:53:00.000-08:00

we had a normal day.

2 in fact. i'm marveling at the normal.

we drew crazy stuff all over the floor.

we had a playdate (gasp. it's been weeks)

we opted out of wearing our pj's all day (gasp again. it's been weeks)

we took down the tree

we made messes and put stuff away, only to get it all back out again.

we are on day 2 of no meds. that's right. oxycontin sits lonely on the shelf.
baby girl is back.
she smiled and giggled and ran around
we all chased her and tickled her and marveled at her lower lip smile (since the top lippie is still a bit frozen)

she got into stuff and climbed and ate cookies and freaked out when the cookies were all gone.
she's back.

and since i've been trying to slam her with calories (her slight 17 lbs is now back in the 16's - sometimes i wonder if she's actually a newborn :) i've resorted to cookies.

post surgery she got extra picky. even her usual favorite avocados were a no-go. yeesh.

with cookies, i've introduced all of the things i would never normally do...like douse every edible item with butter, olive oil, syrup, etc. i buy fatty cuts of meat, serve hot dogs for lunch and make quesadillas super extra crazy cheezy. and much to the boys delight, i add hearty portions of chocolate syrup to her smoothies (to which they also indulge) and slather anything and everything with peanut butter.

but the cookies have been trouble.

maybe it's her 18 month age.

maybe it's the sugar coma i have induced

but girlfriend has learned the power of the throwdown tantrum.

she's a professional.

even adds a fancy head fling-flair and a spin move whilst imposing her blood curl scream.

i gotta say, i've given in a time or two

which, as we know in mom land, only makes the next tantrum that much worse.

no more sister. no more.

i gently walk away from the throwdown. not out of the room (still trying not to disrupt attachment) but a gentle back turn is all that is required for the antics to pause.

if i even so much as turn my gaze ever so slightly in her direction

whoa mama. look out.

it's actually kindof humorous....or at least it would be if it weren't so frustrating :)

i say all of this...because it's normal.
it's life stuff.
and the throwdown tantrum is childrearing 101.
it means we are on the other side of surgery.
the real life side.

i'll take throwdown cookie tantrum any day over horrible, pitiful, sobbing cries.
we are on the other side.
it's quite sunny over here :)

emery praying {enough said}

2012-01-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

there is much to say...
but nothing quite as beautiful as this:
emery praying
enough said.

ps. this was 4 days post op. i'm wearing clint's old crazy sweatshirt because i may or may not have showered in several long days. em was still really swollen and we were in the midst of a horrible day...she had been crying most of the morning (after crying most of the previous night)...i was a hot mess of upset watching her struggle...and then we captured this little gem of a moment. a glimpse into her incredible resilliance, her sweet-upon-sweet spirit, her ability to charm us in an instant. oh this girl...she's a beauty in every way.

squeaking by {post-op post}

2011-12-30T11:29:00.000-08:00

we're squeaking by today. day one home after surgery is never easy, but my girl is doing surprisingly well. she's not happy and is agitated a lot, but she is still determined to play and be up to her usual antics. she's dying to jump on the couch...it seems her main goal today is to catch one of us not looking and work her way up there. unknown to her, she has no strength in her legs from being in bed for 2 days and not eating...those little twigs aren't really working like usual. she already face planted into a toy piano this morning. i nearly had a heart attack...and so did she.

the best part of this surgery?? she allowed us to comfort her...the whole time. she rarely flailed backwards or thrashed at us like the last time. even in extreme pain, she constantly wanted us close to her...holding her, patting her, holding hands or within eyesight of her crib while she was asleep. there is nothing so precious as holding your child when they are in pain and knowing God is allowing you to be a part of their journey. it's a beautiful thing.

i'm not going to post any new photos of her for a few days. she is so swollen and her nose is really starting to bruise today. but her lip looks so seamless...you can't even tell where it was closed! it's really quite amazing.

dr. taylor is one of the sweetest doctors i've ever met. he was the first person to tell me i needed to cherish emery's cleft because i would be sad when it was gone...i knew when he said that, he was the right doctor for us. he didn't want to repair her cleft to make her beautiful...his goal was to make the repair excellent because that's his job...the beauty was already there to begin with.

clint put em in the bath for a long time this morning to see if we can relieve the buildup in the nose stints...those things are no joke. the doc wants us to keep them in for 7 weeks...or at least that's the goal. he said most people don't make it past 3. now i know why. i have a feeling we will throw a giant party the day they come out.

when we picked up the boys last night on our way home from the hospital, it was a beautiful sight to see how compassionate and worried they were for their sister. they literally didn't take their eyes off of her and wanted to know everything about her surgery. foster especially was very concerned and has been carefully looking out for her all day. he keeps asking me how long it will take for her new lip it blesses my heart to see how much these kids love each other. there is something so incredible about watching your kids care for one another...like all is right in the world.

since clint is home this week, the boys are doing lots of boy things...

and i am so very grateful to clint's boss for allowing him a whole week off...it makes a huge difference to always have one of us available to monitor the couch climber :)

(our dolls wear no-no's too :)

we have been so blessed to have so many people praying for emery this week. we are hopeful that good days are ahead soon.

almost...

2011-12-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

there are discharge papers floating around somewhere at the nurses station...we are in a sleepy holding pattern as we await the go ahead.

these two have been snuggling for the past hour...i don't think i've ever seen anything cuter :)

today is a new day. a difficult, challenging and yet hopeful new day.

2011-12-29T05:21:00.001-08:00

surgery day...wow I'm glad it's over!

2011-12-28T18:09:00.001-08:00

emery is finally asleep after quite a long day. we have marveled at how well she is coping...our little warrior girl. though she's in pain and she's had some inconsolable moments, she's been able to rest quite a bit. we are praising God for His care of this amazing girl.

emery looks totally different, and yet the same. i can't even describe how surreal it is to see her beautiful new mouth and nose. it's lovely to finally catch a glimpse of her new digs...her lips are teeny tiny and delicate now but also plump like mini angelina jolie's :)
i've cried several times this afternoon at the thought of never seeing her lusciously glorious cleft smile again. nothing in my life has ever been more treasured. i'm sobbing as i write about it.

one things for sure, this lip and nose surgery is like eating a piece of candy compared to her palate repair. she has 4 layers of stitches inside her lips, dozens circling the inside of her nose, and tube stints sewn in her nose to help keep its shape. she's on a constant supply of morphine and oxy. she's in pain even through the meds, and yet she has found a way to rest. it was a much different experience last time. i have trouble even thinking about how painful it was for her...but this time around I'm seeing firsthand how much stronger she is because of it.
what an amazing girl :)

resting again

2011-12-28T11:21:00.001-08:00

wow!!!!

2011-12-28T11:20:00.001-08:00

pics and updates:

2011-12-28T09:08:00.001-08:00

click here for our instagram feed...

we had lots of snuggle time with emery this morning before surgery. she was upset on and off because she was hungry, but overall, it was a great morning just the three of us. she was most upset about having name anklets put on...girl loves to have her feet free and blowing in the wind...and does NOT like anyone messing with them :)

i just kept looking at her, trying to soak in my last moments with her before such a big change. i'm so excited for her new beginning and to see my same old emery shining through her brand new lip and nose.

hoping to hear from the surgeon soon, and she should be out of surgery by 1pm.

thank you for praying!!

emery's been in surgery for about an hour....sweet girl was very relaxed and happy this morning. this kiddo is amazing :)

2011-12-28T08:56:00.000-08:00

emery's surgery day!! {box-o-love}

2011-12-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

i'm so anxious and excited to see emery's new little lip!! tomorrow is a big day!!

we meet at CHOP at 8:45am for pre-op...hip-hip-hooray for an early surgery time!!
if you would like to get updates on emery's surgery, feel free to checkout our live instagram photo feed (username: angiedweldon). i'll be updating via instagram (and short updates on the blog when possible)

i wrote a few weeks back about my tigress. since then, i've seen the tigress appear less and less. it's refreshing to see emery come into her own and be able to communicate in less hilariously revengeful ways.
but tomorrow, i know i'll see the tigress again. i know it will be a hard day. i'm holding on to the Hope i have that God can provide rest for emery, even when she feels the pressure to revert back to old ways.

isaiah 40:29 says: "He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to the weak."
matthew 11:28 "are you tired? worn out?...come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. i'll show you how to take a real rest."

** please lift emery up in prayer. she is still congested and we meet with anesthesiology when we arrive to determine if they will approve surgery - we expect they will approve her because she doesn't have a fever or any other symptoms
** pray for dr. taylor, the nurses and anesthesiologist to be well rested and focused
** no complications and a QUICK hospital stay so we can recover at home
** and pray for emery's sweet little tender heart...pray she will allow us to comfort her and be present in her pain.

packed with our hospital bag, is a precious reminder.
we came home yesterday and found a box outside our door. when i opened it, i immediately started sobbing. when we were in the adoption process, i cried at the drop of a hat. everything made me think of china. of emery. if i only had a quarter for the number of times i sputtered tear duct showers at the sight of a mom with 2 boys and a girl. or a cute dress at target. or when anyone said anything remotely related to adoption...forget it. sobaholic.
and now, everything still makes me cry...as if this entire life changing event has softened my already sappy heart into mush.
i dripped teardrops as i read each sweet note and gingerly held each item. as if i was given a box of gold. this dear friend has quickly become one of the people i will always remember and hold dear in my heart. i treasure the ways she has loved our family...and my sweet emery. this person {who will remain nameless because i know she didn't send lovelies for recognition} encouraged me so deeply...in a way that can only be seen as a gift from God. truly the most perfect of all timing.

i think i smiled for at least an hour. in fact, every time i look over at the little pile of goodies i smile.

(a surgery day craft for the boys :)

(fabric: quite possibly the perfect gift, in my opinion)

i say all this because often i get caught up in my own little world. yes, i see other people going through stuff...but hey, i've got my own stuff i'm going through. (insert selfish justification here). i might send a text or give a hug in person...but how often do i take time to really think about what would encourage a friend? what would be meaningful for a friend who's child is having surgery? lost a job? a loved one? is having a crappy week? moved into a new home? brought their baby home from across the world? or for no particular reason at all?

how often do i take time out of "my time" to be purposeful for someone else?

a little love goes a long way.

thank you dear friend for giving so much more to me than a box of goodies.
when i hang that banner on em's hospital crib tomorrow, i'm going to smile from ear to ear...and think of you :)

my quest...

2011-12-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

my quest for asian dolls has led me down a slippery slope this evening.
any activity involving a sharpe or a glue gun usually has me making a mess of some sort.
tonight proved that a little determination (and scissors as a back up plan) can create a style more suited to our family. (thanks to maria for the sharpe suggestion!)

from my time living in china a few years ago, i met many a beautiful chinese girl who longs for blonde hair. it is a sad truth that there are blonde-clad advertisements everywhere in china. it makes me sad to think young girls (of any culture) should be persuaded to look or act differently than who they are. it's deeper than hair color. like really deep...much more than i understand or have the ability to write. especially as one could argue i am doing the exact same thing tonight, just in the opposite direction. i'm not immune and have often felt inadequate when i compare myself to my very talented and beautiful friends. but that's a story for another day :)

i know one thing's for sure...we're going asian around here...and getting creative.

you see, if you are in the market, you will find there is a strange shortage of dolls of the asian persuasion.
i have found a few (which i adore) and now, tonight, i found one more.

when this little lady came to my salon tonight, we talked about a minor root touch up :) but then decided no guts no glory. i think she loves the finished product...

after i discovered sharpe marker dye is also akin to a mohawk styling product, this gal got a shampoo, wash and dry as well.

the transformation is quite lovely.

she joins a family of 3.

"flora" found here (my all time favorite)
"cailin" found here (thanks mom!! she's lapped the house in the stroller at least 47 times today :)
this is the only site i've found dedicated to reasonably priced diverse dolls

dodging helicopters

2011-12-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

we bought these helicopters when we were in china with emery.
the first thing we said as we handed the vendor our 100 yuan ($16): "it will be a miracle if these actually work!"

we opened the box this morning and found the instructions:

clint and i laughed. we warned the boys they might end up on a shelf, and not in the air.

after some finagling, much to everyone's surprise, they actually fly. in fact, they are crazy incredible.

for the past few hours...we've been doing this:

mixed with this...

(any word on whether or not hair dye works on dolls? i'm scheming to make this little lady asian :)

(i was stoked to find all of our toys at a consignment sale this fall. my goal is to never buy anything new again.)

ok, time to dodge helicopters and make dinner. so much more to say, but for another time.

** if you think of it, please pray for em...she woke up with a snotty nose yesterday and coughed all night. with her surgery in 2 days, little gal needs to be in tip-top shape. please join me in praying the cold will pass so her surgery won't be delayed.

55 & sunny {i think it's spring}

2011-12-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

today was incredible. it made me forget we are just now starting winter...as if the warmth of the afternoon lulled me into believing warm days are ahead instead of snow.

the company of friends and kids running wild together outside...there is no better remedy to a week of hibernation.

especially when those friends don't care that i'm wearing the clothes i had on yesterday...i'm not wearing a stitch of makeup and i have no idea what conglomeration of clothing my children found this morning.

those are the friends of real life. the best kind.

oh and our friends penny and eleanor got these razor thingies for christmas.

clearly they are only fun for children. :)

i'm finally at peace with emery's surgery (on dec 28th). i have no idea why it's taken my heart so long to get on board...but today i woke up excited. excited to see her new smile and sweet nose. excited for healing and a knowing that surgery isn't always looming.

i'm excited for it to be OVER!!! i get all skittery thinking about walking her into the hospital. into registration. waiting. pre-op. waiting waiting waiting. and then the dreaded recovery room. when we see her for the first time. ok, now i'm gonna throw up.
i think i was saying how excited i was??
yea, something like that :)

(laurel won over miss emery today. the mere mention of the slide had emery singing "again" again and again.)

i got a sweet email from my friend ashley this week. her baby girl is in china. she's in the hardest part of the journey...the unknown part. she told me that the new shared list of children was released from china this week and many joyful families are seeing the sweet faces of their children. she reminded me of last year...one week before christmas when we got our email and we saw emery's tiny little photo for the first time.

i could have never dreamed that this little bundle of wonderful was the child in that photo.

i get all misty just looking at her beauty, her stature, her sweet way of tapping my legs when she wants a hug.

they way she is curious but not mischievous

the way her light frame feels like i'm holding a baby doll

oh my dear child...you bring so much joy!!

my mind has been so focused on surgery...i sort of forgot what a special christmas this is.
emery's very first one...and the first with our whole family together.
it's quite surreal when i think about it...
and yet, it feels normal. natural. the way it's supposed to be.
maybe that's why i forgot...because it feels odd to think of a day without her.
like we were a different family way back then

we have a lot to celebrate.

our week of looney {side of marshmallows}

2011-12-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

we're all types of looney this week. we've been hanging low, under the radar of crazed christmas traffic and cold temperatures.

the best part? we wear pj's. they do excellent powerslides.

oh and i'm lazy. pj's are easy :)

we have a fantastic christmas weekend planned. light on gifts, full on family and joy. quality time. a sleepover at my parents. our favorite tradition of repeating our exact meal from last year, down to the the sweet potato puffs and sausage egg and cheese casserole. it's a weekend to remember already and it hasn't happened yet.

but this week, leading up, it feels right to be home and still. ok, well, not still. we are anything but still. there are insane amounts of toys and crafting supplies and crumbs everywhere to be found.
the looneyness is brimming. and i've decided to embrace it.

case and point.
silly lady and her silly antics.
mrs. fix-it is in love with construction tools. hats. goggles. gotta love a girl who knows how to get the job done.

she had some seriously hilarious moves in these goggles...but of course, i couldn't get my camera configured in time and they were all so blurry. but i love this one...i love clint's laugh and that there's a random thomas pillow and foster smashing his brother with a couch pillow (but you can't see his brother because he's under the pillow) and sister is in a bright green shirt. sister looks good in green. ok, let's face it. i think she looks great in every color :)

and we've had days on end of marshmallows and toothpicks overtaking our world. building with these little gems is one of our favorite forgotten activities. although we are at an impass because the boys have been saving and building each day. i'm not sure when these creations will hit the trash can, but it won't be anytime soon. until then, our table is on marshmallow overload.

oh how i dream of a huge table. i mean GIANT. our place doesn't have a single closet. the storage space is ridiculously limited. we are constantly shuffling craft stuff so we can eat. shuffling eating stuff so we can craft. grrr.

by the end of the day, several marshmallow buildings converged into a humongous fort. with spears. 1,000 toothpicks later (yes i said 1,000) somehow everything ends up with spears.

and i leave you with these. a small glimpse of why i love hanging low. pushing through the whining and the redundant stuff...so i can see the good stuff. the great stuff.

(this girl LOVES to dance! thanks to RIO, we've been doing the samba :)

my favorite christmas craft

2011-12-18T10:12:00.000-08:00

glue gun graham cracker houses are one of my favorite christmas crafts.

i'm not sure who invented this miracle house construction idea, but since i discovered it a few years back, it is impossible to make just one. in fact, making a herd of these little babies is one of the most delightful things to mass produce in the late evening hour.

3 kids coming downstairs for breakfast to a village of hot glue awesomeness??

it makes for a great morning.

cleft lips for all {my ugly high horse}

2011-12-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

we are 2 weeks out from emery's lip and nose reconstruction.
(scheduled for dec 28th)
at pre-op today, i asked a lot of questions. i came prepared with a long list.

i know better what to ask and what to expect.
i've seen the deep cavern.
i've been to the not-so-magical forest.
i'm well versed in how long it takes to reach the summit after plummeting to the pits.
and i know i serve a God fully capable of healing emery emotionally and physically after all is said and done.

and yet, i have a confession

i've reached a new tolerance low-level.
security clearance should be required
i can feel my heart filling with ugliness
and it's not a good color on me.

i'm becoming excessively sick of people staring when we are out and about.
i feel irritated when i see a shocked expression and finger pointed in my daughter's direction.
can't you see how incredible she is, lady?
why don't you take a moment and stare into her eyes instead of at her mouth, young man??
seriously people.
at least get a little more creative with your staring. use dark tinted sunglasses or spyware goggles.
or maybe just try saying hi. or asking questions. we don't bite.

knowing the deep and indescribable joy that this girl brings, leads me to feel anger burning each time someone walks by with a gaper-delay.
i'm half tempted to spout off to some punk kid in the elevator: "look out dude...don't you know cleft lips are contagious? especially when you stare at them for too long. i have been immunized (said with a haughty tone)....but sadly you have not."

see what i mean? ugly ugly heart.

amidst all my ugly-heartedness, i have a burning question to ask my Creator.
why weren't we all created with cleft lips and cleft palates???
seriously. i need to know.

if we all had them, they wouldn't be called clefts...
they would just be lips.
palates.

no one would look or stare.

if only we were all creatively lipped
each with our own unique lippy style
then she wouldn't have to endure all of this
she could be as she was created
with her wide and joyous smile
i could kiss her precious clefty lips with my own clefty lips.

people born with lips that went straight across their mouth would be gawked at.
they would be the unusual ones.
we would all wonder when a surgeon was going to cut their lip open to make them look just like the rest of us.

i'm on a high horse.
i need to hop down now.

this is the last i will mention my extreme cleft loyalty.
i will henceforth be on board with surgery and regular old lips.
straight across, uncreative, lips.

oh and i'm going to super-glue my straight old regular lips closed so i don't say some ridiculous statement in the elevator. some punk kid will be spared my crazy, oversensitive mom anger :)

fever-ville & the badge of boyhood

2011-12-14T11:51:00.000-08:00

we're dashing in and out of fever-ville.
the random 3 day fever
it has only left one superior immune system unscathed (thanks to emery's germ ridden past, she has yet to have the slightest sniffle)
we do preemptive strikes of motrin or tylenol when foreheads feel the least bit heated.
rowan was the latest casualty.

we are also doing a fair amount of time at home these days.
{thanks to fever-ville}
it leads to couch diving and wild antics.
although the feverish individual is a sad spectator, they are sure to emerge fever free to create new and yet-to-be-explored couch maneuvers

when clint comes home after a long day on the job, the couch jumping antics amp up
his presence in the house causes a joyful uproar

he barely gets to set his briefcase down before he is bombarded with hugs and stories and side-swipe jetti swords

i'm sure he is exhausted. actually, i know he is exhausted.
but he never lets on.
my kids have a daddy who is present. silly. right there in the thick of things.

he wrestles and giggles and creates fun games and rolls his eyes when i warn against would-be disaster.
they learn how to tackle with wreckless abandon...
how to jump higher
run faster
throw farther

they learn how even daddys feel pain
and how to apologize
they learn how far is too far

by all means, wrestle until your glasses snap in two
you are earning the badge of boyhood.
thanks to your awesome dad.
he is present

adoption truth & my eternal gushing

2011-12-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

i gaze at her and i just can't believe it.
this week marks 4 months since emery came home.
4 MONTHS! somehow it seems short, and then again, it seems like such a vast amount of time that the before blends into a time i can't remember.

(ps. green legs on the couch in the background? saturday morning couch-diving competition. footie p.j.'s required :)

1 year ago today, i was in a deep abyss of sadness. it felt painful to live another day without my daughter. the wait felt too long. like really really too long. we had moved twice in 6 months. my husband lost his job. then changed jobs 3 more times. but the housing and job stuff didn't even compare to the agony of the wait. i was at the limit. it was a low point to say the least.

i didn't know that one week later, i would see emery's picture for the first time. i didn't know that in 8 months i would hold her for the first time. i didn't know how we would fund the rest of her adoption. i didn't know the incredible people who would play a vital role in helping us bring emery home.

no one ever tells you about the grief associated with adoption. or maybe they don't want to scare you away. or maybe they just don't know quite how to explain it.

the weight of knowing you are missing today. yesterday. tomorrow. with you child.

bathtime and bedtime and mealtime and silly time.

someone else is there for those.

or worse, no one is there for those.

knowing there is real possibility your child is alone? it's torture. the thought of her being alone takes my breath away when i think back because those emotions are still fresh. it makes me want to go wake her up from peaceful slumber just to hold her again. again for all the time i missed. again for the time she was alone.

and now here we are. 4 months in. life feels fast and busy and there is chatter and stuff spilling and the house is clean one second and a wreck the next. and it's crazy and chaotic and awesome at the same time.

which brings me to my next point.
i can't help myself from gushing.
verging closely on braging.
she's wicked smart.
her comprehension astounds all of us.
we've started realizing she understands nearly everything we say to her.
um, seriously girl?
how'd you get so cool?

since she won't be able to form words for a little while, i've been teaching her sign language.
so far, she knows: i want, play, eat, more, bottle, all done, shoes, socks, cookie, again, book, bird, night night, tired, blow kisses, bye-bye, shirt, pants, ice cream...and so on.

but it's even more amazing to see her comprehension. sense of humor. memory skills. fearlessness on a skateboard or leaping from the top of the couch into my arms. her love of books and tea cups and dolls and chap stick. it's the little things all day long.

(princesses can rock bibs, right?)

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???

i never knew about the grief in the before. the pain of waiting.
and i never knew just how amazing it is in the after. the extreme learning and incredible catchup. the insanely awesome reveal of the child you have dreamed of.
she's very gush-worthy

i'm not saying all of this to make anyone think we are oh-so perfect or have everything figured out.

i'm not super mom (not that you think i am) and emery isn't 'better' than other kids. i will say our attachment has been easier than what tends to be typical, and emery has a very content personality most of the time...

but when she's hungry or tired? content goes out the window.

hello crazy town.

that's where we live some days.

crazy town.

amidst flailing and angry screaming and unwillingness to eat eggs because today she doesn't love eggs like she did yesterday. or bananas. or cheerios. or peaches. or crackers. i could list all of the crazy things that she hates and has aversions to (like tule, or silk, or ANY other shoes except her sneakers, or scarves, or yogurt or clothing with accouterments like flowers or rosettes.) or how she FLIPS OUT out if she even looks at someone wearing a motorcycle helmet, or if she sees her PJ's and knows it's bedtime.

it's not perfect over here.
if you know me in real life, you've never doubted the imperfect. you've seen me roll frazzled into wednesday morning bible study, 20 min late with a strange array of clothing donning my body, bags of food and clothes and miscellaneous toys on every arm...boys strung out ahead carrying umbrellas or doughnuts or something odd, and little lady looking like a smashed marshmallow in her puffy jacket. i haven't read our study book, i forgot my coffee on the kitchen table and i may or may not have already lost my keys because my brain can't seem to remember anything these days. in fact, i think adoption fries twice the brain waves of pregnancy. hands down.
i'm a full on, long legged, smudgy mess some days.

but through my piles of frazzled...

i keep learning the same lesson over and over...and i've ever grateful for another opportunity to learn it.

the moments that are the most memory worthy. beautiful. incredible. indelibly memorable...
they can be easily missed.
the beauty of life.
our one life.
the moments we will later love with all of our hearts, knowing we can't ever relive them...

they must be captured.
documented.
celebrated.

with a camera. an encouraging word. a picture frame. a story retold over and over. a scuff on the wall.

i can't help but wonder how many days i have.
it might seem strange, but i think about it often.
i read the book "crazy love" last year and haven't thought about life the same way.

if this were my last day.
if tomorrow is.

have i celebrated enough? captured? documented? encouraged? loved? cherished?

have i looked past the mess and the toys and couch cushions scattered and the work i can't seem to accomplish and looked into the eyes of the little ones following me?
have i noticed them today?

have i set aside what i want and put in front what they need?

i shutter to think of the days when i have hustled through. irritated and fedup. missing the moments because my big selfishness was in the way.

i cherish the days i celebrated.

today was one of the celebrated.

today is tuesday. two day

2011-11-29T10:38:00.001-08:00

every tuesday, i hang out with these two.

while this handsome dude is at school.

somehow it's strangely easy to have only two children.
why does one more feel like so many more?

i'm sure moms of 4 or 5 would beg to differ that 3 is breezy. i should keep that in mind more often when 3 feels chaotic.

tuesdays are silly. we do funny things like eating lunch on the couch and having tea parties while sister is sleeping.

we race on skate boards through the house, zoom our favorite cars under the table, write notes on our thankful tree...we don't clean up anything. nothing. nada. it's awesome.

ok, so tuesday's aren't that much different than the other days.

this little boy loves tuesdays.

he's the biggest brother on tuesdays. he looks taller. he says grown up things.

he's charming and quiet and loud.

tuesdays are special days.

footloose and fancy free heels

2011-11-26T19:27:00.001-08:00

it's been a long and wonderful few weeks.
blogging has been out the window.
crazy warm winter breezes have been in.
family and turkey and exhausted kids
the best kind of week.

last week ended with a black friday wedding and a much needed night out with my guy.
we danced the night away with great friends and showed our 30-somethingness when we all tore it up to Footloose...the 20-something's didn't know what hit them. :)
amazing how fun it is to have a few hours out together.
it feels strange and wonderful all at the same time.

and what's more? all three kids slept over at my parents house...a breakthrough for little lady to spend the night somewhere else. she's feeling more and more confident being apart from us and allowing someone else to feed and hold and love her. i'm so proud of her progress in this area. especially when i saw the look on her face when i came to pick the kids up on saturday morning. she literally squealed with delight and ran into my arms. a night out is great. wonderful in fact. but i can't help it. i still miss them.

one thing's for sure: we're classy

2011-11-24T19:10:00.001-08:00

yes, we know our way around fine wines and proper tea etiquette.

we're gold members of the classy club.

we've never peppered the backyard with paintballs

(for the record, clint called me a hillbilly at least 7 times. i admit, i look ridiculous holding a baby and firing paintballs. but have you ever shot a paintball gun? they are awesome!!!)

FINALLY! she likes hats!!!

we'd never dream of letting our daughter ooze into a human mud puddle

or run with wild abandon whilst flinging slime balls at each other.

our house is in a constant state of put together
in fact, we're so classy that i'm sure our neighbors gander at what prim and proper citizens we are.
yes, that's us. prim and proper.

would you care for a spot of tea?

it's been freshly "sampled"

some version of the plague

2011-11-21T09:28:00.001-08:00

i've had days when i just want to stay in bed.
to have a clone to do the meals and rif-raf and crafts and activity coordinating.
the cleanup and the nap time and the whining and the toy overload
to leisurely spend time, gazing at pinterest, watching an assortment of mindless movies on netflix or catching up on the House episodes i forgot about.

but when it actually happens, it's never quite as exquisite as i imagined.

that's because it only occurs when i've been swept away by some version of the plague.
take the past week for instance.

what started as a nasty cold, took all my might to make it through the week. i spent most days in a fever crazed state and found it necessary to let the kids watch way too many movies. we ate strange meals and at one point, while emery was napping, i was in so much pain, i told the boys to go into the kitchen and eat whatever they could find. by the time friday rolled around, clint came home early and i drug my nearly comatose self upstairs and didn't emerge until some 30 hours later.
i have no idea what the family did to entertain themselves. what they ate. what they did. it's a mystery.

clint peeked in to check on me (no doubt wishing he had a medical mask to donn for fear of entering my germ zone) and i whimpered how much i missed the kids and asked how they were doing.
"there fine. they are ok without you, you know!" he said with his usual candor.

my half smile disappeared. "they are ok without me? seriously? they don't ask about me at all? what about em? is she crying alot?"

clint knew where this was going.
"just go back to sleep. everyone is fine. they love you."

so round about dinner time, i mustered my strength to make an appearance. i had to make sure they didn't forget about mom, after all the fun dad was interjecting.
as i wobbled down the stairs, all bets were off.
emery went berserk, crying and crazy crawling over mount Everest to get to me. foster nearly knocked me over to show me the cars he discovered when they cleaned out the back yard, and rowan wanted me to hold him for an eternity.
they hadn't forgotten about me.
in fact, i nearly failed to survived the onslaught of questions and project ideas and pillow fights during my short interlude of insecurity.

when i finally made it back to bed, i knocked back some nighttime cold gels, tucked under my humidifier mist, and rested, knowing they are just as crazy and wonderful as ever. and i'm their mom. even when i disappear into a medical meltdown for a few days.

this mom thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.
it's much more.
oh so much more.

to be loved by little people who forgive quickly.
to trust effortlessly.
who make joy and fun out of the simple things.
and i have done nothing to earn such earnest love and affection.
eesh, this mom thing is incredible.

ode to le pop tarte {science tube boy}

2011-11-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

i'm not very well thought-out. i live most of life with ideas floating, things in mid-progress, and winging it.
today was no exception.
one of my favorite things about my kids? they don't mind makeshift. they don't mind if i don't have it all figured out. often, it adds to the adventure.

today's project was one of our favorites. not pretty, but a favorite for sure. i've seen versions on pinterest, but didn't have an exact plan of how we would actually make it happen.

i put littlest boy down for a much needed nap just as emery was waking from hers.
biggest boy has been itching for a new project for days...nay, weeks.

so i did what every good mom does when one child needs to be entertained so another child can have some undivided attention:
i introduced one of the least nutritionally advanced food items: le pop tarte

don't judge.
girlfriend literally fell in love with this delicacy. and she can afford some calories on those slender thighs...whereas i cannot :)

and have you ever seen anything cuter than this pop tart loving lady??

le pop tarte allowed us to makeshift-craft our water feature:

it might not look like something martha stuart would whip up, but this little diddy was a grand success in little boy science world. foster was like a mad professor, mixing and pouring and creating and infusing new colors and blending the final water product.

a new baseline

2011-11-13T10:22:00.001-08:00

i've been having a rough patch.
i can't get ahead.
i can't complete everything on my ever-filled plate
i can't seem to catch my breath during the course of our days.
i'm negative. as you can see from all of my "i can't" phrases.
i talk to me kids about it all the time. when they whine "but mom, i can't..."
we talk about "yes you can! you can do anything you put your mind to!"

but i haven't been drinking my own medicine.
i've been "i can't-ing" through my days.
it rubs off. it's discouraging. it's dangerously self-pity-partying.

i felt unheard. alone. lost in my world of a chaotic baseline so much so that no matter how much i try to catch up...the baseline of a messy house, un-finished paperwork, unorganized closets, chaos at every turn...the baseline was always there no matter what i do or accomplish.

enter husband.
awesome amazing incredible husband.
on saturday, he took the kids bright and early. all three of them. they went on amazing and fun excursions, did lunch and dinner out and about. i didn't hear from them all day. when i texted to check in, he simply replied "we're fine! go back to relaxing!"

i had one entire day to my own devises.
i cleaned the entire house.
i organized and hung shelves and hooks and threw stuff out and put stuff away.
i watched 4 episodes of Parenthood, my new all time favorite show.

at 4pm i collapsed with the most relaxed and refreshed baseline i can remember in recent history.

the husband and kids returned about 5:30 to a very happy mama.
a mama who felt heard and loved and brand spanking new.

i am ever so grateful for a husband who can read me so well. who knows that i'm struggling but doesn't hold it against me. never ever.
he is a rock star dad. plain and simple.

girl walking {insert huge smile here}

2011-11-11T07:51:00.001-08:00

the walking phenomenon has been occurring all the time these days, but somehow the camera is never rolling.
as i type this post? my girl just lapped the entire house (without falling) with the biggest smile on her face! she's crazy awesome, this one!

check out this video from 3 months ago...
can it be the same child???
(fyi, this video is crazy long...please don't watch all of it. i'm a gushing fool :)

tears of joy my friends, tears of joy at how incredible this child is!!!

my captivated heart

2011-11-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

we needed a beautiful warm day like you wouldn't believe.
today was medicine for my soul.
i needed an afternoon to sit in the grass and be captivated.
i've been reading in Ephesians. about God wanting us to allow Him to love us. there are so many days when i refuse to be loved. refuse to submit. refuse to be captivated by just how loved i am by my Creator. such a powerful thing.
and when i allow myself to be loved in that sort of captivating way, it opens up my stress-filled mind to be captivated by the beauty around me.
i literally filled up my memory card today with this girl.

i just couldn't stop soaking in her spider crawl. her side glance peeking out from her hoodie.

her sneaky obsession with bubbles and the fact that she managed to dump 3 bottles of them. her giggle over silly things and her stern face when she is concentrating hard.

just looking at these pictures makes me want to go scoop her up and squeeze her with crazy kisses.

her smile is the best thing i've ever seen

she is quite infatuated with dirt. the little girl who refused (and do mean REFUSED) to set foot in the grass, dirt, sand, etc when we brought her home is now right in the midst with the boys...scooping and pouring and only occasionally eating :)

it was so warm in fact that the boys kicked off their shoes and pretended it was summer again.
warm, awesome, summer.

someone practiced a few awesome moves...

someone wasn't feeling well and needed some encouragement to gather up the tears. the thought of bare feet did the trick and mr. happy appeared.

i let sister scootch into the neighbors yard. she scootched about 20 feet away before she looked back. big brother was quite convinced that was much too far.

can you see the concern? the hands on the hips? can you tell how much he looks after her? even 20 feet away is too far.

i reminded myself a million times today to stop trying to do everything. stop trying to keep it together.
i cried a few times as i gazed into this little ones eyes. she leaned her head against mine. she knows me so well already.

i snuggled and hugged this little one every time he asked me to.

and i took a snooze on the couch with this one on my shoulder because big boys need to snuggle more than i realize.

i am really good at allowing myself to feel defeated.
but today, i allowed my heart to be captivated.

warm and puffy

2011-11-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

girl, you couldn't be any cuter

you might just be the cutest legwarmer wearing girl to donn a puffy jacket

the kind of jacket that makes it hard for you to move your slender little arms

the kind of legwarmers that make your delicious little thighs pudge out just a little bit

the kind of day that is bitter cold but you don't care because you love the adventure of going

oh girl.

you make me smile.

from here to waaaaaay over there.

across the store as we hunt for spray paint and Finn McMissile for brothers 1 and 2

as we get stuck in the checkout line and you sit all catty-wampus and check out the local walmart scene...

although i know you prefer target (just like your mama)

we frequent walmart these days.

it's closer.

a lot less fun

but closer.

and in your catty wampus state, you make me smile.

even in the long walmart line

the worst place to practice patience

you make my world smile

i love you girl.

i've loved you for years.

but i never knew just how amazing one little girl could be

you.

lovely

amazing

you.

fu sisters unite {tale of the Tigress}

2011-11-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

don't you just love a day that is filled with wonderful friends?
i've written about the Chryst family before and our girls who have an unbelievable connection, but here is the short version: emery and brooklyn were born one day apart (may 26 & may 27, 2010), in the same city in china (Fuzhou), with the same special need (CL/CP), and we got our referrals on the same day (dec 17th, 2010). needless to say, we love this family!! it's truly a blessing to be with friends who feel like family. (read about our incredible connection here and here)

march 2011

october 2011

oh be-still my heart...i LOVE seeing our families together!!!

thank you nicole for working some serious photoshop magic!! (including various head swaps)

i'll give you a glimpse of what she had to work with...

(wind hair)

(my big head covering clint completely + wind hair + exhausted rowan)

(clint's "i'm being funny" goofy smile in 75 of the 80 photos :)

i digress. onward with the story...

since nicole and i found out about our special connection, we have dreamed about the day when we could finally unite our girls. and sunday, as they scooted around the house, as we chatted and chased and laughed and snapped photos...we were both struck at just how surreal it is to see them together.
they traveled around the world and found each other again. incredible.

one of my favorite parts of our day? being in the presence of a friend who get it. who has no judgment. who understands the things that no one else does. i feel less crazy just knowing i'm not alone. just knowing i could call my dear friend at any time and she would listen...and tell me i'm not a horrible mom, and we can laugh or cry...knowing that we are in it together.

(my favorite photo of our day..courtesy of nicole)

and our long awaited photos of the girls together?? well, they are quite comical, to say the least. we laughed and laughed at the craziness. in moment, you will see why we called it quits :)

the photos are a lot like adoption. like having kids. like parenthood and motherhood. a lot like life.

they aren't perfect.

you can photoshop them and make them seem perfect, swaps funny faces with perfect smiles, but finding beauty and joy in the outtakes is the part that is so vital for me. when i don't find joy in those things, i get caught up in feeling like a failure when i can't photoshop our day. i can't clone out the clutter and add a happy preset when things are falling apart. i'm so far from perfect that finding beauty in our unedited life is a must. otherwise i walk life missing out on the true beauty.

as we turned nicole's living room into a photo studio, i marveled at how sweet these girls are...how perfect and lovely.

and then "it" happened.
brooklyn became well acquainted with a sassy lady i have affectionately named The Tigress...
partially avert your eyes...
you are about to witness a split second phenomenon that has yet to be captured on film.
The Tigress in her natural habitat.
untamed and unaware that she is being caught on camera :)

and a hot second later??
perfectly innocent.
what? who me??

ka chow...The Tigress strikes again...

emery finally succeeded in putting and end to the torturous photo shoot.
poor brooklyn. i'm afraid she was quite traumatized.

my girl has spunk. spunk for days...
but as you can see, spunk that feels threatened, frustrated, irritated, upset...
morphs into The Tigress.

thankfully nicole understands. brooklyn has Tigress moments as well.

but where in the world does this come from?
it's like a different child appears in front of me at a moments notice.

and then i remember back. not so very long ago...my girl lived a different life.
deep within a very sweet and calm little girl, violent anger erupts.
defend at all costs.
don't come too close.
i'm the only one who can protect me.
i'm on my own.
i may be small, but i'm stronger than you think.
i can't trust you.

this is emery on the day i met her in China.

july 25, 2011

14 months old and a slight 13lbs.

if you could have held how frail and small she felt in my arms. the way her bones stuck out at every turn.

the size of her legs were smaller than my boys at birth.

in this photo, i'm literally holding her entire body up with my hand.

i cry when i look at this photo. it was terrifying. we held her so very gently, afraid that the slightest bump would harm her.

she has symmetrical scars on her back from being strung up in some sort of contraption.

i sobbed and sobbed when i bathed her and found her scars.

how small she must have been.

how much she must have cried.

my Tigress fought each day to stay alive.
God gave her the spunk necessary to survive.
He knew in advance. He provided a way for her.
i'm ever grateful for my girl's inner Tigress.

and now, harnessing the Tigress is something of a challenge.
it can be frustrating.
especially when she rips fistfuls of rowans hair if he walks by in a moment when she needs space.
especially when she calmly plays with another child and in an instant she death-grips a nearby cheekbone and we have no idea what triggered it.

as we transverse changing this behavior, we remember that it has much more to do with what's behind the behavior.

i think back to china...back to those first few days and weeks with her.
she has come so far, but i love remembering who she was because i don't want to forget.
it's a testament to God's providence. His plan. His timing that i questioned so many times. it reminds me that the many many tears i shed during the wait were not forgotten. they didn't go unnoticed. my daughter was loved, sought after and protected by her sweet Father before i was given the priviledge of being her mom. it's a very humbling realization to see this child in front of me and what a treasure she truly is.
july 2011...in china...

oh and today is 3 months since exactly since emery came home :)

candy catch up

2011-11-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

the first in a long line of unfinished blog posts...
oh for a day to sit and write...i would be the happiest camper alive.
although last night i started painting 3 rooms...all at the same time...that makes me a happy camper as well.

fresh paint.
is there anything better?
actually, fresh paint that is the wrong color could be the worst thing in the world.
i'm the queen of painting walls more than once...even more than thrice...
last night was no exception.
oh how i love waking up to a newly painted room.
this time, i'm trying on something new...
white.
and for the first time, i love it.
i've been a pinning addict on pinterest...and i'm determined to actually finish some of my pins.

and our night of candy?
delicious.
even more delicious than the candy were my rock star garbage boys.
i'm not even exaggerating when i say they were a huge hit.
i have no idea what i'll ever do that will come close to their awesomeness...
especially since they might just be the most inexpensive and easy costumes ever.

and sister?
our trial run fairy costume wasn't a huge success.

but candy?
candy she likes.

girlfriend housed her first reeces peanut butter cup...

i'm thinking she might love chocolate as much as her mama :)

trash-to-treasure trucks

2011-10-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

yesterday we spray painted...

and these little buddies got some fancy pin-striping as well...

today we got a little surprise (a mini blizzard) and the boys did this:

miss emery did this:

and while the troops were napping after lots of snow and hot chocolate, me and the glue gun did this (with the help of google images)...

(thank you $1 store flashlights)

might be the first ever cardboard box trash truck photo shoot.

way to work it boys.

i have a feeling my next task will be a candy trap door, of which i am still in the configuration stage...
and then some sort of shoulder straps. now wishing i made my kids wear suspenders...a pair or two of those would work wonders right about now :)

sending goats for christmas

2011-10-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

i saw this on ashley's blog a few weeks ago. i was so inspired by her wisdom to give her kids the opportunity to choose to serve others, even if it meant a personal sacrifice for them. i silently prayed i could help my kids catch the same vision.

when our catalogue came this week, i set aside time with the boys while emery was sleeping. they poured over each page and we read each description. we read how a single goat can sustain a family with food and income. how $7 can feed a child for a week or $40 can feed an orphan for a month including medicine and a place to live. we talked about sister. how much we love her and how painful it is to think about a time when she didn't have a family. we spoke with passion. they got it. they soaked in every word. we talked about what it would be like to not have a house or food or shoes. we talked about how hard it would be if our family was hungry and had to drink dirty water.
we've talked about those things before, but seeing a tangible way to help made a big difference. they wanted to know everything about everything. .

i let them circle anything they wanted to give

and we talked about what giving those things would mean to us...what it would mean at Christmas time this year....it would mean less for us and more for someone else.
"ok, mommy. no problem."
back to circling.

they have been riveted over the past year at the thought of kids drinking dirty water, and often ask me if they can give their allowance to help build a well. when we came to the page showing well digging, they were stoked. since a well costs around $10,000, Samaritan's Purse offers a "share" option for a mere $40. that page got a lot of really big circles.

in the end, when i added up all of the shoes and clean water and food and medical supplies and housing supplies and goats and sheep and chickens, etc, it was well over what we ever spend for christmas gifts. and i mean WAY over.
in fact, if i'm honest, the number made me question whether or not i wanted to follow through.

and then foster said, "when can we go take the clean water? how do we goats get there? do we need tools to help build the houses?"

i instantly got that strange gut cry...the one that makes my whole body fill with happy sobs.

it was a beautiful moment.

i said, "right now, we can help by sending money to purchase the goats and supplies and other people will have the honor of giving them to the people in need. but when you get a bit older, you can be the one to go! you can go take clean water and goats and chickens and medicine!!"

foster: "did you hear that rowan?? when we get bigger, we can go! yay!!! we get to go!! lets pretend we are on the airplane right now!"

and off they went. pretending to save the world.
the incredible thing is...they actually can.

garbage glory

2011-10-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

the boys decided they both wanted to be trash trucks for trick or treat. last year was the first time we did trick or treat...and i love going handmade and making something the boys can help with...preferably using a cardboard box and spray paint :)

i tried hard to convince someone to be this...i think it looks adorable!

but two boys wanting nothing to do with my idea. actually, rowan was convinced he would fly away :)

so trash trucks it is.

we are shooting for this. one blue and one green.

and the boys plan to add real working headlights and a dumpster lifter for candy.
stage one:

and this is what we did to entertain ourselves while i was busy with an exacto knife.

see those angry eyes? we had a bit of that too.

i have a feeling i won't have time this week to make another move on the garbage project. might be spray-painting these babies late sunday night :)

simple items and extrordinary imaginations

2011-10-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

these are the moments i want to remember. the ones that happen when i'm usually wanting a few moments to just sit down and accomplish something. but being present with my kids is often accomplishing more than i realize.

i love these moments. i love to see what they create and talk about and explore.

i love muddy fingers and toys tossed about in mid play.

i love simple items and extraordinary imaginations.

these are the times that i love.

when the blog is silent...

2011-10-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

when the blog is silent, it often means real life is loud.
that's our week. loud.
loud with physical therapy and speech therapy and univ. of del sessions and school and attempted motivation. loud with clutter because i STILL haven't unpacked my bag from my amazing weekend, will always have laundry unfolded and absurd piles of clutter needing to be delt with. perhaps my un-motivation stems because i just can't quite say goodbye to such an incredible weekend.
great friends can sooth the soul, and that's what this past weekend felt like. my quick zip to NC was just what i needed. we laughed from start to finish and talked and told old stories and left no aspect untold. it was delightful. so delightful, in fact, that i couldn't pull myself away to take photos...unusual for me, since i love to come home with a camera full of memories. this time, my heart will have to do the capturing.
for two days, i felt young again and our friendships pickup up as if no time had been lost. i can't wait until we reunite again! OBX in 2013, ok girls??

sigh.
i'm at one of those stages that needs motivation. we've been in our rental house for 2 months now. i should be rested enough to be motivated and finish the many unfinished projects. but i'm not. i keep collapsing at night beside the stack of stuff i should be working on. the paperwork and the painting. the horrible pillows that need recovered and the walls blank with a lack of photographs. oh you craft girls out there...bestow your motivation on me.
upon waking in the morning, i inevitably feel the pressure of my inactivity the night before, but it keeps repeating. we have so much fun planned in the weekend ahead (including FINALLY uniting emery and brooklyn!!!! i can't WAIT) that i've decided to wait until next week to feel guilty for all the stuff that is falling behind :)
it's a loud week...sometimes they turn out to be the best ones.

oh and one of my dear friends challenged me to 21 days with no complaining. about anything. at all.
if you catch yourself complaining, you start the 21 days over.
boy do i need that challenge!
have i already complained during the course of this post? eek. probably.
i'm realizing just how much i complain, and it's an ugly color on me.
so i'm taking on the challenge.
i have a feeling the effects will be miraculous :)

"and just like my sister..."

2011-10-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

i was in the kitchen making sandwiches.
my girlfriends and their kids were over, chaos and laughter and massive amounts of all kinds of toys were strewn about.
the recipe for a great morning with friends.

laurel says to me, "you've gotta hear what foster just said. i said to him, 'you look just like your uncle steve today!'"

and foster said "and just like my sister."

plain as day. second nature.
she's my sister. we look alike. duh.

i wish i had heard it with my own ears...it brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat to think about his beautiful heart and the amazing shift that our family has encountered.
adoption shifts a family.
my son looks at emery and sees his sister. in his mind she is so much his sister that they look alike.
we've talked about birth moms and adoption and he knows she has a birth mom and birth father. but his heart is linked with her and she isn't adopted anymore. she's his sister.

it's so simple, but it astounds me.
i would have never known his heart could grow and understand such huge things. i probably wouldn't have had the wisdom to spend the time talking about adoption and the beauty of the way God adopts each of us. God's love and plan for each of us involves adoption and siblings and birth parents and so much of what we are seeing in front of us.

i know i'm not saying anything profound. but in my heart, i just can't explain the magnitude of what i feel. it's simply beautiful.
amidst the harder parts of what the past few months have been...
the beautiful parts always shine through.

masking tape made today awesome.

2011-10-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

good morning mr. sunshine.

surprise. the house is now the ultimate race course.

today is going to be awesome.

pjs and race cars go hand in hand

oh and little missy has been in ultra happy mode recently.

content, cheerful, snagging all kinds of things out of the cabinets when i turn my back...just like she's always been here...just the way it's supposed to be.

she rests her cheek against mine. she holds my hand for no reason. she blows kisses and taps my legs when she wants to be held. she smiles and giggles and chases me around the house. her brothers smother her with kisses and hugs, even when she pulls their hair and steals their toys. there is a lot of love floating around here.

3 feels splendid.

perfect? no.

but this week has felt splendid amidst the imperfect

and my jet set weekend? i'm so excited.

we will see what the weekend holds for mr. clint and his first full 2 days with all 3. he does so much with the boys...often fun and creative things i wouldn't dream of...but since we came home with emery, she's been attached to me like white on rice (haha), so with me out of the equation, there's a bit of a wildcard situation. i'm praying it will be a turning point and she will allow him to feed her and put her to bed since i won't be in sight. you know how kids always act differently when mom's not around? well mine are less whiny when i'm not there...it seems i bring it out in them :)

the celery stalk of fashion

2011-10-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

i discovered an alarming fact yesterday.
it shocked me to my vegetable core.
i'm unable to re-enter the world of fashion.
i'm no fashionista, but i have always been able to fake it when needed.
throw on something semi-cool with heels and act like i don't live in comfy pants and TOMS.
but i've reached the point i never EVER thought i would reach...
i couldn't find ANYTHING that looks remotely like something i would wear.

i walked through 8 stores yesterday, sans children (oh thank you THANK YOU dear husband). i was on the hunt for a funky yet demure dress for a jet-set wedding this weekend in NC. my dear and incredible college roomies will all converge to celebrate one of our own. i'm wicked excited, and counting the moments until i get to squeeze these ladies i love so much.
but i need a dress.
i attempted to borrow clothes from my drop-dead-gorgeous sister in law (hmm, somehow i'm not a size 4 anymore...shocking) but didn't find a single item that would embrace my celerocity.
yes, you heard right...celerocity.
that's what i've got.
celerocity for days.

it's a serious vegetable issue.
other than the fact that i've enetered a rather unhealthy junk food phase (which has subsequently added 5lbs to my frame)
i am a vegetable.
a celery stalk to be specific.
it's nothing short of problematic in the clothing department.
sort of tall, sort of lean, sort of not.

(me. irritated. i can't look anymore. can't i just wear this to the wedding? it's the only thing that fits.)

i'm basically a rectangle with a squooshie midsection.
the adorable belted fashions popping up everywhere are lovely...

if only i could pull this off. (found here)

but have you ever tied a string around a stalk of celery? i oddly have no indication of where a lovely curvy wasteline should be.
celery and belts don't mix.
fine, i'll move on.

but i need a dress.
one that doesn't look like this:

or this:

there is a strange void.
i am a little lost 30-something celery stalk.
somewhere in between bedazzled christmas sweaters and the ability to throw on a little dress and heels and pull it off.
there certainly aren't any zones set aside for my very stalky self.

and so i ask you...retail world...

where does the 30-something celery stalk fit in?

i came home a few stalks short. i did purchase one dress (which barely zipped up the back...thanks celery caboose) and i hope to redeem it with tall black boots, which seem to make my leggy legs look even leggier. perhaps they will detract from all the celery i have going on...or perhaps i'll let go of my unstylish self, and just have a great weekend :)

i realized on the way home
i'm ok
there's a lot more to life than faking out my stalk into thinking it's 20 again.
and i'm ok with it.

family portrait {the chase lounge}

2011-10-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

i've been seeing furniture in the woods recently, and i have dreamed of someone willing to give it a whirl.
the timing of my dear friend wanting fall family photos and me wanting to carry her large chase lounge into the shrubs turned out splendidly.

i will admit i am still working out my family portrait skills. i usually know what i want in my mind, but reality sometimes takes over. we had at least 6 more poses to try but the kids (and mr. alan) were over it...actually, these two ladies could have kept striking poses for the rest of the day...

in the end, i was happy with what we got...and i hope laurel is too :)

the fireman, the biker, and the runway

2011-10-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

today we inhaled large quantities of cupcakes, hosed a parking lot with a real fire hose, strutted down a pink runway, and 2 little boys somehow got makeup all over their faces...yes, makeup.

it's the week of birthday parties. we have 5...a birthday marathon...just the the thing to send our sugar and fun levels into mayhem mode. today was no exception. it was awesome.

the morning party involved riding around the block in a real fire truck...the kids wore the headsets so they could chat it up over the sirens. even the adults thought it rocked. the highlight was seeing the unbridled excitement of our friend jesse, the birthday boy, as he wielded a fire hose.

miss emery is really warming up and allowing a few of my dear friends to feed her, touch her hands, and even hold her for a few seconds. today, it was linds who was the chosen one. emery is very selective and shy around new people, but she was crawling all over linds, eating snacks with her buddy finn and giving linds some cute emery love.

i'm still struck randomly in moments like this to see emery finally here with us. how huge it is to do everyday things with ALL of my children alongside of me. seeing emery scampering about makes me realize just how long we waited, and how very worthwhile the wait was :)

(miss em on the fire truck ride...she was laughing most of the way...of course when i try to snap her smile, it disappears :)

both of my sons cried when we left. clearly, it was awesome.

we scurried home and took full advantage of our new fire pit.
it gets a LOT of use these days.

apparently, there is more than one use for a fire pit, of which i was previously not aware.

tough dude.

and then this guy pulled up....

after spending all day on his first ride with my dad (who has an extra bike he lent to clint), he pulled up at home with the biggest smile on his face. it's been a while since i've seen him so wholeheartedly excited.

2 little buddies were quite excited as well.

and then it was time to leave boyland and enter the world of runway walks, aerosol glitter, exploding pink streamers, and lip gloss. lots and lots of lip gloss.

in an effort to simplify the marathon of 5 parties in the gift giving department, i decided to go homemade instead of trying to figure out what new gift to get each of these sweet kiddos that they don't already have. let's face it...our kids all have so many toys, including mine. i find that the simple things are often what my kids enjoy the most.

so we made 5 of these...(tutorial found here)
each gift includes a Make Your Own Ocean Kit as well as an Exploding Foam Volcano Kit. i had a few other ideas to add as well, but i decided to use what i have on hand with the exception of the bottles of hydrogen peroxide and the bins (both from the dollar store).
i always save glass jars from spaghetti or jelly, etc...we Goo Gone'd them and added some spray paint and monograms.

my favorite item was the paint swatch on which i wrote instructions, and the pop out circles that i double sided taped onto each item to identify them. i usually grab a few when i'm in Lowes to use for notes, etc, but they were super perfect (and FREE) for this project.

wow, i'm exhausted just writing about our day. back to my glass of wine, bowl of popcorn, and season one of 30 rock.
goodnight :)

boy or girl science experiment gift {the tutorial}

2011-10-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

i'm all about the homemade...esp during our marathon week of birthdays. this gift is one of my favorites because my kids love both of these items so much.

each gift basket includes...

Exploding Foam Volcano
(instructions found here)
hydrogen peroxide, glass jar (or you can use a plastic bottle), yeast, bowl, dish soap, food coloring, gloves

tags made with these...

the finished product:

we have made this foam volcano (thanks for introducing it to us laurel!!) at least 5 times...one of which involved a crowd of neighborhood kids who also thought it was super cool.

Make Your Own Ocean:
mason jar (spray paint lid and add monogram), glitter, googlie eyes, food coloring, sea creatures, or anything you want to add (like oil, soap, paper clips, rocks, wood blocks, etc)

tag made from these...

the finished product...

i don't really know why my kids love the ocean so much. it's so simple. i think it's the sea creatures...we take them out and fill the jar up again over and over. plus, putting funny or odd things inside makes them even more fun.

the best part? use what you've got :)

i used the pop-out dots from the paint swatches with double sided tape to identify each item

recycled jars and hotel shampoo bottles

we added a balloon to each gift...and my helper was very happy to "help" with the glitter and googlie eyes :)

we have lift-off!!

2011-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

rainy readers and playing hookie {recipe for a great day}

2011-10-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

there is something about finding your kids curled up with a book.
it feels like a triumph of motherhood.
or maybe it's the joy of knowing they love learning.
or perhaps it's just that they are sitting quietly for several moments so my brain has time to compute a single complete thought :)
i joke. they really aren't that loud. but isn't it amazing how quiet "quiet" really feels when the little chatters and scampers and cars racing and paper airplane flying ceases?
it makes me want to go curl up and read with them...or start a pillow fight...or crank up the music and have a dance party...because the quiet is great...but we thrive in the noise.
the glorious laughing and scampering and chasing.
we had a morning like that
we played hookie from life...rain always temps me to stay indoors...and this morning when i suggested playing hookie, cheers erupted.

we will be forced to venture out this afternoon for emery's post-op visit with her plastic surgeon, but a relaxing morning makes a long afternoon of driving more manageable.

hoping for a good report and hoping to get her next surgery date on the schedule. i'm anxious for them to all be over. i so want the pain to be over for her. anxious for normal life to be the normal.

what is it about the recycling bin that is so fascinating?? it seems that my kids could play with recycled items at any given moment. they do make pretty fantastic fun when there is a hose involved.

little girl is getting spunkier by the day. she's into everything...most days i embrace it. she takes such joy in her new abilities to power scootch and pull up on anything and everything. she's even standing unassisted more and more and more. i've tried several times to catch her on camera, but OF COURSE my memory card is either filled, my iso is all wrong, or in my haste i totally forget how to use a camera and miss it. rrrg. in fact, on sunday she took 2 unassisted steps!!! oh we are so close to walking! what fun that will be! truly a triumph!

quintessential fall apples {and the "situation"}

2011-10-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

the weather's been luscious for the past few days.
the fall weather we dream of in the summer...
the fall weather we take for granted, forgetting winter is just ahead.
we did a lot of outdoorsy things over the past few days.
some were not so noteworthy, like cleaning out the back porch (which is half craft project mayhem, half bulldozers, and a third half unknown items needing a home). i'm all about an afternoon outside with the kids...but one spent also getting something on the to-do list accomplished? oh my. now that is a great saturday afternoon. "we" (clint) put together our cheapo-super-sale (yet wonderful) fire pit and although i keep forgetting to buy marshmallows, we are chomping at the bit to fire that baby up.

today we joined my dearest girlfriends and descended on a local orchard. the quintessential fall activity.

little did we know (ok, actually we forgot) it's Columbus day. 40 million other moms and kids had the same idea. after fighting the crowds and angry bees for picnic tables, we headed to the hay bale maze. it was there that things got interesting.
we had our first (of several to come) "situations".
the "situation" had to do with a certain little boy (who likes to hide when a "situation" is approaching). said boy was found crouching by a nearby hay bale. i knew instantly what was ahead. little lady was strapped in the carrier (as i was trying to get her to fall asleep - and when i say trying, i mean she was screaming and making every effort to avoid sleep), and onward we trudged to the porta-potty.
yum. there's nothing i treasure so much as crouching in a porta-potty, with a screaming baby strapped to my frontside, while taking care of a "situation"...especially when i realized i forgot to fill my wipes case. i'm awesome like that. so i did what any good mom does...i used the current "situation" underwear in liu of wipes, and threw those babies in the porta-potty. little boy went commando, and i sanitized our hands like i was scrubbing for surgery.

i had a long pause of wanting to head home. but i love these girls so much. any time with them is worth "situations" and screaming. i'm so glad we stayed.

we headed to the orchard and i don't think there is anything i love more than seeing a pile of kids eating apples like candy. they must have housed 7 a piece and had a fantastic time trying different trees in hopes of finding the one the produced the sweetest fruit.

this little lady totally captured my heart (and lense) today...what a little beauty...and those pig tales?
oh my. a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e

my sweet friend ab...mom to 4 girls (one of which is pictured with the apple :) and truly one of the sweetest and most incredible people i've ever met

favorite shot of the day...apple chillin.

i love that my dear friend kesh lugs her "real" camera like i do...makes me feel less ridiculous for including it in my already stuffed-to-the-brim diaper bag

she's killing me with cuteness today :)

rowie also found this little buddy....who was with us for the remainder of our day. thankfully we let him roam "free" before getting in the car :)

and with another mid afternoon "situation," coupled with a little girl who still hadn't fallen asleep, we called it quits. i'm now googling applesauce canning (hoping there is a recipe that allows me to not have to peel all those apples - lazy, i know) and planning to make kesh's incredible apple crumb in the near future to surprise mr. clint. mmm, i can taste it now.