(photo: august 11,2011)
(photo: nov 25,2011)
CURRENT STATUS:
12/28/11 surgery scheduled for: lip and nose reconstruction
9/26/11 palate surgery (hard and soft palate)
my warrior
the best moment of my life.
finally home
regression
healing
birthday gift
9/1/11 we moved (for the 3rd time this year)
8/3/11 EMERY IS HOME!!!
7/25/11 Gotcha Day!!! read about it here
here are links to more of our wonderful time in china with our sweet baby girl!!
day 2 {we love daddy}
oh jetlag, you're awesome
so much to say, so little time
the longest post in history
day 1 in guangzhou
our last day, then homeward bound
the red couch home!!
homecoming pics!!
soaking in the splendid
7/5/11 Got TA!!!! praise the Lord! we leave July 23rd to meet emery and bring her home on Aug 3rd!
6/9/11 Artical 5 processed!!
5/13/11 Got pdf from NVC that our I800 is being "cabled" or "emailed" to china! it will be given to the chinese consulate for review with our LOA and emery's visa. in approx 2-3 weeks we will have our Artical 5. 2-3 weeks after that we should have our travel approval!!
5/4/11 - I800 Approved!! Recieved I800 approval in the mail on 5/9/11 - now awaiting NVC .pdf and then it's on to get our Artical 5 (whatever that is :). after we get our Artical 5...we are on to the last and best step...travel approval!!
4/25/11 got our I800 confirmation in the mail - our application is in process.
4/18/11 I800, I800A, LOA, I864W, full english and chinese refferral, artical 16, training letter OVERNIGHTED to USCIS!! Praise the Lord! should know more about our timeframe in 2 weeks.
4/16/11 biometrics approval came!!
4/7/11 I800A homeland security biometrics appointment date - FINALLY!
2/25/11 GOT OUR LOA!!!! now waiting for biometrics approval so i can send in I-800 form. next up...TRAVEL APPROVAL!! getting closer, baby!
1/20/11 homestudy update. now i am working on homeland security updates and other clearance updates.
12/17/10 after a surprise email and referral....WE FOUND OUR DAUGHTER!!! she's in china :) her name is Jing Liu and praise God, the wait is over! she is lovely and amazing and all that i dreamed! i will fly to china and bring my baby home sometime in the spring of 2011!!!
12/7/10 our official LID (log in date) with the CCAA (china center for adoption affairs)!!! hip hip hooray! we might just have a summer baby afterall!!!
11/24/10 we moved (again)
10/15/10
i drove our dossier to our adoption agency! hooray! this is what we have been waiting for during the past 1 and 1/2 years!!!! in approx 2 months we can start looking at profiles of children! i'm SOOO thrilled i can hardly believe it!!
8/10/10
We are approved by department of homeland security!
7/10/10
We were approved for international adoption from the department of homeland security!
Got our biometrics clearance.
Now waiting to hear about grants.
Saving. Making LOTS of Emery Lin Clutches :)
Prepping dossier.
Still waiting. Still hoping.
7/3/11 Clint lost his job today. We are not losing hope. God will provide!!
5/27/10
Our I-800 form was mailed to the department of homeland security for international adoption approval. it should be back to us in the next 2 months.
In the meantime we are applying for lots and lots of grants and working on a fundraiser.
5/11/10
Homestudy - DONE!!
Awaiting final homestudy paperwork in order to file I-800 form.
After I-800 form comes back, we will be able to submit our dossier to China!!
4/17/10 moved into temporary housing to save funds for adoption
4/17/10
sold our house!!
3/1/10
applied for Criminal, FBI, Child Abuse Clearances. got medical exams. got copies of birth certs. marriage certs. copes of all financial documents. copies of every bill and utility and health insurance. got letters of emplyment. renewed passports. got things notorized. made tons of photocopies.
went a little crazy :)
3/1/09
mailed our application for adoption to Living Hope Adoption Agency
_____________________________
a few of my previous posts:
emery + flora = bff
3/2/11
i have been on the look for classicly girl items. just one or two. but the most important ones. fancy shoes and the perfect doll/lovie. unimpressed at the selection of dolls in target, online, etc. i've gone off the map in my hunt. the dolls at target, toys r us, specialty stores...they don't look asian at all! they are either dora the explorer, bright blonde as the sun, or fire engine redheads. and while all are cute, i want something that looks like my baby girl. something she can squeeze. love. snuggle. something that isn't $200. i started researching doll patterns to make her one...and they are SO cute and look fairly doable.
but i'm learning something important about myself as of late. i am notoriously over ambitions and i procrastinate. with everything else going on right now, can i seriously commit to the hours it will take to make her the doll i am dreaming of? to make it just right? no way. knowing me, i'll be up the night before our flight, half packing, half in a tissy over leaving the boys, half binge eating out of nervous anticipation, and half finishing emery's doll. no way. i'll have enough to freak out about, let alone a doll.
so i bought this today.
she's even going to have dark black hair to accent her fantastic bow.
i love her so much and i can't WAIT for emery to love her. i hope to get my act together someday and make a family of them...my mom made me a doll when i was a little girl, and i cherished it. perhaps a summer project will ensue.
but for now, flora is en-route to us. just like emery.
weekend project re-wirte and randomness
2/22/11
i've been eye-balling little girl leg warmers for a year now...and finally etsy'd emery a few pairs...seriously, can they get any cuter?? perfect for early crawlers, which i'm sure emery will be getting a lot of practice after she comes home, and the perfect accent to a little sundress in the fall. yeesh, it will be a fun day when she's scooting around in these!
clint also found the boys awesome comfy old navy pants for $2 and little boy winter jackets for next year for $2.50. $2.50 cents for a jacket???? incredible!
more randomness. i'm full of random tonight :)
today we had plans to meet our oh-so-wonderful friends at the hands-on-house. we got a freak snow storm in the middle of the night and awoke to 5 inches of snow. i hate snow. my bald mini van tires make my hatred of driving in the snow even more evident. so we stayed home. we stayed in our pj's. much to my chagrin at the thought of missing out on a play date, we found new things amongst the same old things.
we spent the morning playing while i made lasagna for dinner. there's something about a table and blocks and any sort of game involving a ball that can entertain for longer than imaginable.
add sitting on said table, and you're sure to get some happy boys :)
we came inside and the boys crashed whilst watching word world. it was a long afternoon. they didn't nap. we did manage to do a little reading practice...we're working on small word endings: "at" and "an" and "it". amazing how fast kids pick things up. oh, and were're learning the presidents. we're up to polk. rowan sings the presidents song all day long. it's sad to admit i didn't know the order, nor could i name all of the presidents before we started learning them together. sad, very sad.
we made up at least 7 more games involving balls and building blocks and plastic cups. we wrestled. at times we whined. we ate the most delicious lasagna i've ever made...this one really is as good as the reviews say.
and my hubby came home just in time to sample the tastiness, have a tickle fight with the kiddos, and run out the door for his 7pm basketball game.
i put the boys to bed early. we read the long books. we talked about our day and sang our favorite songs. they were asleep before i closed the door.
and now i sit. half watching modern family reruns (hilarious) and half blog stalking. man, it's been a while since i've taken time to scope blogs. i love catching the newest pics and stories and diy masterpieces. i get inspired and invigorated to design something new.
i threw these burp cloths together last week. i even used the fancy bubble minky on the reverse side. why not have something fancy to counteract the spit up and slobber they will surely encounter :)
i have so much leftover fabric from past orders, and i know i won't be sewing and selling as much in the future, so i might as well start using it up instead of hoarding it all.
i have a brilliant idea to use a square of each fabric from all of the Emery Lin Clutch Bag and make a big quilt for emery. i'm quite sure i won't be starting it for a while, but i'd love for her to have it as a visual reminder of the love that was showered over her before she was even born. maybe next year when things slow down. wayyyy down.
when i'm not running in 7 directions at the same time and then forgetting all together what the initial 6 directions were. my dear friend katie came over on monday. she got to see me in full tilt as we were trying to entertain kids, make lunch, feed granny, let the kids have fun juicing and play-doughing and making a large amount of enjoyable mess. i forgot i was unloading the dishwasher while i was forgetting to make tea for granny while i was forgetting i was in the middle of sweeping play dough all the while totally forgetting that i should just sit and be. we laughed at how we all seem to be in the same stage. the stage that makes it hard to stop and focus on any one thing.
i'm sure life isn't ever going to slow down. save for snow days and sunday afternoons and beach trips. savoring moments of slow will be few and far between unless i make a point to savor them. a calculated point to savor and put down texting and random emails...to stay up late and finish projects so i'm not running around in 7 directions during the day. so i can be in one direction. or, well, 3 directions...one for each kid :)
i have so many ideas of things to make. i've found new fabric that i love (it's a hoot, by momo), and everyday i have dreams of someday getting to decorate emery's room. i scour a lot of design sites and even though it's a long way off, maybe even a really long way off before i can design what's i my head, a girl can dream, right? in my head, she's playing. it's colorful, but not crazy. it's bright but muted. it's girly but not pink. it's practical and whimsical. there's a little wooden cafe with a fabric canopy and a small table and chairs. a dollhouse her daddy made. these and these dolls. a trail of matchbox cars that lead to her brothers racing under her art table and books and laughter, and a little girl who loves life. learning. loving. and then there's me. camera in hand, sipping coffee. stepping over a random assortment of playthings to capture just the right moment with all three of them in simultaneous play, but i get tackled. and then someone tackles someone else and the coffee gets set aside to get cold. the camera is shelved, and we play. and we laugh. we talk of life and Jesus and silliness and the heartfelt questions of life. dolls and cars and a mix of boy and girl worlds that mesh perfectly.
nothing is perfect, but everything is just as it should be.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
by the way, i met my daughter today. yep. that's right. my DAUGHTER!
i have no idea where to begin or what to write...but one thing is for sure...
WE HAVE OUR DAUGHTER!!!
that's right. our baby GIRL!
oh my love. its bursting out!!
it's been a whirlwind of a day...the email i anticipated sometime in january or february all of the sudden happened last night. on the night of the eclipse. the week of christmas. seriously...how awesome is that??
i've been on cloud 9 all day. although a bit distracted with my cloud 9 status....i forgot to eat breakfast, and lunch...even forgot COFFEE..seriously, that's wayyy ridiculous distraction :)
but the rediculous distraction is with good reason. she's deliciously cute and adorable and everything i dreamed of. she's perfectly perfect. and she is ours! the very first referral given to us for review...just as we prayed...prayed against having to look through a long list and say no to so many faces and yes to only one.
she is only 8 months old...we anticipate bringing her home before her first birthday, which is in May. holy cow. that's incredible!!!
i have so much to write, but in the midst of processing such awesome news, i'm still working to finish christmas orders...so it's late to bed for me tonight...but i'm late to bed with a huge smile. for my little girl. i know who you are. you were created in a most incredible way. i love every little bit of you.
i'm not going to post any photos of her until after we bring her home. i want to keep her just for us. stingy, right? i'm allowed :)
i'd really love to just hide away for a few months just the 5 of us and do nothing but eat gooey snacks and catch frogs and build doll houses and have camp outs and ride tire swings and paint messy things and bake cookies and dance like crazy and kiss and hug and tickle fight all day long. i have a feeling our first few weeks and months will be that way...a whole bunch of nothing that means everything. i hope and pray it will go like that.
my heart is filled with praise...we serve a God who is keeping us in a place of growing closer to Him...it's intoxicating :)
October 17, 2010
fort washington. my new love.
i traveled with a heart as light as air on friday.
i trekked up the turnpike to fort washington, pa with my hand holding tight to a little packet that holds something so special, i can scarcely let it out of my sight.
it's our dossier.
a strange word that had no meaning to me before this all came about.
it still bothers me that the spelling is so wacky.
but wacky spelling aside, it's like a packet of gold. priceless diamonds. worth more than i can express.
it's our adoption paperwork.
it's everything about us. literally, everything. our life on paper. early childhood memories. financial history for the past 5 years. worst fears. strengths. places we've lived in 1978. family members. their spouses. their children. legal guardians. references. clearances. birth certificates. marriage licences. passport copies. medical reports. you name it. it's in there.
i smiled as i saw the sign ahead. "Living Hope Adoption Agency. Forever Families"
i get chills when i hear that phrasing. because of what it means.
my little girl coming home. a place where she belongs. where she can grow and dream. and have a mom and a dad. and two big brothers. and a community of family and friends who will cheer her and root her and love her. not because she is adopted, but because of who she is. beautiful, amazing, delicious.
my trek to fort washington was a direct result of all of the orders sold in the past month. i'm blessed beyond words at the many many people who placed orders and gave me a way to take our little bundle to our agency. would you believe i profited nearly the exact amount we still owed with only $50 to spare?? i cried when i got the bill from our agency this past week because i knew it was only God's amazing blessing that the amounts lined up so perfectly.
i try to picture what it will be like when i finally meet her. i try not to picture her running into my arms and embracing me. i know it won't be like that. i know it will be a process for her to know me. to love me. to trust me. but i just can't wait to start. to grow with her in love. to bring her lyche fruits and oranges when i meet her for the first time. a soft blanket and a coming home outfit. gifts from her brothers and pictures of home. i'm already scheming how to make her one of those asian baby carriers so i can carry her for one entire week while we are in China together. i want to walk and hug and love. through the streets. the markets. the night air shops. together. buy us matching chinese necklaces. gifts for brothers. gifts for daddy. gifts for my daughter. to actually call her my own. i want it so badly.
i pray daily for favor. for fast processing. for them not to loose my oh-so-precious bundle of dossier. dear Lord, please don't let them loose it. i might just have a heart attack and never recover. it should really come attached with a homing device. i'd feel a lot better :)
we have another 2 months to wait. that's a piece of cake.
our packet of gold travels to harrisburg for 2 weeks and then new york for 2 weeks and then to china for at least a month until it gets logged into their system. after that, it's on, baby. we can start to look through profiles! i'm anxious for it and dreading it at the same time. i can already feel guilt at the thought of having to make a choice which means turning away the 1,000 of others that remain on the waiting list. waiting for forever families.
** if you've ever thought about adoption, start the process. it's longer than you think. i wish we started when we started talking about it, which was a year earlier. you will wish the same thing :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
overheard.
as i was boxing up a few orders for a post office run later today, i overheard the following transpire from the vicinity of the living room. keep in mind the only two female cousins in the family have been here this past week and have infiltrated our boy land with some lady accessories. for the record, i love it...little boys naturally play trucks and mud and giant leaf jumping piles, but seldom does anyone encourage them to embrace what will later be their future fathering abilities. when we are among our little lady friends, we do our share of stroller pushing and baby doll carrying and teeny tiny tea sets. they love it. i love it. someday they will be dads like their own dad. able to rough house and rock a baby to sleep with the same gusto.
ok, back to this morning...
foster: lets play dolls.
rowan: ok. i want this one.
foster: lets adopt a baby doll.
rowan: ok. i'll drive.
foster: this one looks nice!
rowan: oops, i drop her. sorry baby! you ok?
foster: she's fine. can you be more gentle?
rowan: ok. i wove her.
foster: i love her too. ok, lets go make a party.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
i couldn't resist...
i bought this for you. it's hanging in my closet
it's waiting for you
somewhere in my heart i'm regaining hope
that you'll be wearing it at just the right time
a time that only your Father can know
maybe next easter, or for your birthday or mine
maybe for christmas with leggings and shiny purple shoes
maybe for ice cream with with your brothers on a warm summer night
but whenever you wear it, i will look at you lovingly and remember today.
the day when i bought it for you
while you were still from afar
and i will continue to treasure you deep in my soul
because you're my love
my sweet little polka dot girl
our home study is....
DONE!!!
yes, that's right...as of 4:23pm this afternoon, it's done!!!
i had a creative post planned telling all about it... i was expecting a big hoopla.
a scouring of our cabinets and childproofing skills (which we never really did other than outlet covers. it's called, "don't touch." that's my childproofing technique. :)
it only took 20 min. it look me longer to clean up our front yard littered with sand toys and miscellaneous bug catchers than it did for our much-sought-after homestudy.
and i'm thrilled about it! not only do i have a clean house, but the hope of our daughter is even more real now!!
onward we go!
Friday, February 26, 2010
backseat revelation
i try on purpose not to over-talk about our adoption to the boys.
the wait is hard on me, let alone two little boys who have no concept of time. especially foster, who refers to any amount of time as being "last week".
"hey daddy, last week we had pancakes for breakfast." (talking about today)
which may, in fact, be true, however it gets confusing with things like, "daddy, do you want to play candy land with me last week?"
anyway, i make a point to not talk about it all the time. we pray for her, and when we draw pictures of our family, we draw her too. sometimes i'll say things like, "someday, when God brings us our sister from China, we'll get to go to the park and teach her how to go on the swings."
it's been a week or so since i've meantioned her, though she is never far from my mind, especially as i am gathering the last bit of our paperwork to (finally!) schedule our homestudy.
apparently, thoughts of her are not far from foster's mind either.
this past wednesday (you know, "last week") we went to ikea to meet up with friends.
we had only been in the car a few minuets, when the most amazing and beautiful conversation transpired:
foster: "mom, when i have my sister, where is she going to sit?"
me: "oh, you mean, where will sister sit in our car?" (trying to choke back my instant tears of joy at his precious thoughts)
foster: "yeah. can she sit in my seat? i want her to have my chair so she can be safe."
me: "that's so sweet and thoughtful of you foster! (choke, choke, wipe away tear) i love that you are already looking out for her! you are such a great big brother! but, where will you sit?"
foster: "i don't know. maybe i can get a new chair."
me: "yea, that's a great idea! ooohhh, maybe you can sit in the WAAAYYYY back!!! it would be an adventure!"
foster: (eyes lighting up as he gazed into the back seat) "yea! then sister can have my chair!"
the rest of the drive, i wanted so much to keep talking about her. to make it seem like it's closer than it actually is. to talk with him about her dark hair and eyes and how small she will be. how much she will need her two big brothers to help her make sense of her new world. but i didn't. someday soon.
i love that he thinks about her. already big brothering on her behalf. she is so very loved.
Friday, January 15, 2010
adopted therapy
i haven't blogged about our adoption in a while.
partially because we have had some setbacks this fall...some out of our control, and some just because of the long process, which i had no idea would be so long. i'm starting to understand why everyone says adoption is a lot of work. some days i feel so overwhelmed that i can't even figure out what to do next.
the time frame keeps getting pushed back on the china end. it's looking like 3 years. potentially 3 Christmases, 12 birthdays, countless memories, more days that i wish to calculate, without her.
honestly, i have a hard time talking about it. blogging it even seems more difficult because then it's more real. i don't keep a journal, so my blog is as close as it gets. i know someday i'll want to remember, and someday, i will want her to know all of the pieces. and when she is finally with us, i want to look back and see how God was right with us in the middle of it. right with me, even on days like today.
my ache.
it's tangible.
at all times, i have an ache that seems to keep filling up the spaces of my heart. my mind.
it's never far from me.
sometimes i try not to think about my ache because it's hard to hold back tears.
like at the doctor's office today. i saw a sweet family. 2 boys and a girl. the way our family will look someday.
motherhood is too complicated to write. it's something that i know. it's something that is still a mystery. the love of a mother is so very passionate and protective and all encompassing.
that's how i know our family isn't complete yet.
because i have more to give.
in fact, i often have the same thoughts i did when i was pregnant with foster and rowan.
emotionally i have that same giddy excitement when i think of her.
anticipation. nervousness. ever wondering what she will look like.
i feel protective of her.
i already feel anger and frustration for the future perceptions we will receive because our family will be different.
the very difference that i embrace, i know some will not understand.
from the moment we brought our kids home from the hospital i felt a strong desire to instill the importance of uniqueness. every night as they fall asleep, i tell them they are special. i tell them i am proud of them. i tell them God made them just the way they are supposed to be. i tell them they are unique. i tell them i love being their mom. i tell them they are who God intended them to be and they must embrace it.
i already try to imagine how in the world anyone gets 3 kids dressed, out the door and on time to anywhere.
how will i reconfigure the car seats in my THMV?
will she like our usual 1/2 pb&j with a side of applesauce and a yogurt drink lunch menu?
what if my camera breaks or i loose my memory card when i travel to china to finally meet her?
maybe i should take a backup. but what if i loose my backup?
i often picture her with us at the park. running in the tall grass with the boys at my parent's house. riding on daddy's back like a pony. finger painting in the front yard. falling asleep in my arms.
what color should i paint her room? maybe something soothing and neutral with girlie accents and one of those cascading tulle nets over the head of her bed that i love so much.
will she love me.
will my love be enough to cover the pain that her young age has already experienced.
how will i survive another day without knowing when she will be with me.
do i sound crazy yet?
i struggle to even press "publish" on this post because i know it's not all light and cheery.
because my heart is so full with the unknown.
but i'm putting it out there.
after all, life isn't always light and cheery
and moving through the more difficult will make the brighter side glow that much more.
i'm sure a lot of people think this whole adoption thing is strange.
but to me, it feels like home.
our family is meant to love her.
i am meant to be her mom.
so this is me.
waiting.
not very patient, not very composed, not very light and cheery at the moment.
but waiting
anticipating
loving.
Friday, July 24 2009
i'm being honest.
sometimes i don't understand.
many things, acctually
but recently,
i don't understand the burden i have
i can't figure out how to love this un-named child any less
today i am physically hurting as i think and pray for her.
i think it is completly and horribly unfair.
i want to buy an airline ticket and fly to china right this very minuet.
i want to search the streets until i find her. i want to hold her and kiss her until she falls asleep in my arms, and then i want to carry her all the way home.
i want her to play trains with foster in the playroom.
i want her to giggle and run in circles with rowan.
i want her to snuggle the beautiful blanket that i will make her.
i want to sing to her as she falls asleep at night.
i want to tell her over and over again how much she is loved.
i want to tell her the story her Maker gave her, and how unique and special it is.
i don't understand why things aren't coming together like i had hoped
i always start so gung-ho
and now a slow adversity has hit...the adversity and pain of waiting.
not even waiting on someone else, but waiting on us.
i don't undsertand the financial complexities of our life
my faith isn't strong enough.
i'm still trying to do it on my own.
as i am typing, i realize in one strong movement this is the issue.
i'm death-gripping every cent, when i should be willing to tithe it and see it come back ten fold.
i see how much we have and i see how much we need
and it boggles me.
but that's where it all begins.
i think the wait is waiting on me to sink in the Truths that i know.
i think that's the adversity in all of this.
me.
that's the worst part.
i'm in my own way.
and i hate it.
so this is me.
being honest.
a real debbie-downer :)
but sometimes, i can't sugar coat it.
i don't think i should.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
i'm loving you
today i'm dreaming of you.
you don't even know it.
maybe you aren't born yet
maybe you are.
but to me, you are already here
growing deep within my heart
deep within where love grows.
someday you may wonder when i first loved you.
someday you may ponder how you came to be.
someday i will tell you your story and shower my words of love
someday you will be mine to have and to hold and to keep
someday i will kiss your little cheeks for the first time
someday i will tell you i love you for the first time
but then again, my heart tells you everyday.
someday my arms will hold you and you won't be so far away.
my little girl.
my little china girl.
i'm finding you soon.
don't cry my sweet little one.
you are not forgotten.
you are not alone.
i'm loving you my lovie
i'm loving you everyday
